A lot has happened this past week...let's catch up!
Medical
I had an ultrasound on Monday...good news! No cysts! I am now currently taking Letrozole and have my second ultrasound scheduled for next Thursday. At that time I will see whether I give myself the HCG shot to release my egg that day or the following day. We decided to try insemination (IUI) this month. May as well pull out all the stops before we attempt IVF. Plus, we haven't tried IUI since I have been on my new medication (metformin and progesterone). We'll see!
Emotional
My spirits are good this week because we found out that Matt's new job has medical insurance that partially covers infertility. Say what?!? We are still figuring out the extent of the coverage but hallelujah anything is better than nothing! I also discovered that the clinic we want to go to, (that has a 70% success rate for live births for women under 35) is in network! This is awesome news for us. Oh, and the fact that they are $3,000 less than our current clinic is also a win!
Unfortunately, the clinic plans on raising their IVF prices in January (when we wanted to try IVF). Because of this we have made a choice to try IVF sooner rather than later. We can't meet with the new doctor till October 29th and since I have no idea at what point in my cycle they start shooting me up with hormones, retrieving eggs, fertilizing eggs, implanting embryos etc. we likely will be starting the IVF process in November. I hear it's about a 7 week process. Regardless of when we start, I'm definitely excited/nervous. Things have been working out for us lately and I'm thankful for the Lord's blessings.
Spiritual
I'm in the awkward place of wanting to be hopeful, yet wanting to protect my heart from disappointment. You can pray that I keep my hope in Him and that way I will not be disappointed. You can also pray for the logistics of the IUI and that I ovulate sooner rather than later so we don't have to drive to LA on Saturday. Insert teeth clenching face here.
A friend emailed me a journal entry that really spoke to me. Here is what she said, "Waiting on Baby J wasn't about me and
giving me my baby at the right time in my life. It was about His
perfect timing for Baby J and the plans he has for J's life, the
accomplishments he will have, and the people's lives he is meant to
affect and be a part of."
We
so often think of God's timing for US and OUR lives. Having J was
always something I thought about in terms of timing for my life and how
God would bring him at the right time in my life. But He wanted me to
know it had had nothing to do with me the whole time, but with J and
J's life and the plans God has for him. It unfortunately meant
waiting 2.5 years, but was necessary for everything God has set up for J and his life.
Keep
believing and thanking God that He has a plan for your children and
their lives and the people they will come across and that He is at work
setting all of that up now. And unfortunately, that may mean having to
wait until other things are in line and other people's lives, that you
don't even know right now or have any idea about, are all set up
perfectly, too, and ready for your little one to eventually be a part
of."
When I think about my life, and the fact that it took my parents several years to have me, I realize that I likely would have never met my husband had they gotten pregnant right away. I would have been several years older than him and our paths wouldn't have crossed so easily. I see how the timing of my own birth meant that I met some amazing friends in high school, college, and while getting my masters. The Lord knew the perfect time for me to be born and I trust that He knows the perfect timing for this next baby too. Even though the waiting is hard I know it is purposeful.
This weekend I'm helping throw a baby shower for a friend. I'm sure this surprises you all. ;) It's a little different though because she waited till he was born to find out he was a boy. Other than that I plan on doing a little fall baking with my sidekick. Enjoy your weekend!
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I've been following your journey, and I will be praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI needed to read this post more than ever. Coming off of a miscarriage in August, I have been so angry with life and God and questioning so many aspects and "why did this happen to me?" Bitter towards those with babies, or pregnant or even commercials on tv has worn tiresome and I needed something to get me out of that and this post has helped tremendously. I have to let go of the hurt and anger and look for the hope, the grace, and the mercy. The future. This weekend, in bible study, we talked about Hannah and her story. How she thanked God for giving her what she needed instead of what she wanted. How awesome is that! Often I get discouraged because I don't get what I want instead of thanking God for giving me what I needed. There are so many parts of my story that I am unaware of and his timing is sometimes more of what I need than want. I have to trust him and believe there is a bigger picture. Just like your friend stated, God has given our children an plan for their lives that will not only touch ours but others. Not to say all of this to lessen the occasional hurt and discouragement that will come from us waiting, but to help us through those dark times. I will be praying for you! Praying for us to be allowed to bring His children into this world and for the patience and comfort of knowing it is all within His timing, His plan. God bless.
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