In the process of doing this we decided that we wanted to have two new bands: one wedding band (that I'm waiting to wear till March) and one touchstone band.
While we were going through infertility one of my best friends would remind me of the Touchstone's in my life when I would get weary and lose hope. She used this phrase for times in my life that I could go back to and "touch" and remember God's faithfulness. She would remind me of all the good things that he had done for us throughout our journey. Some of my touchstone's
This new band is my new touchstone to remember how God was SO faithful and brought us through IVF in his perfect way and timing. We will have hard trials in the future (we're in one right now with the twins!) and this ring will be a constant reminder of how his plan is best and he is in complete control. It also reminds me of the ways he showed us grace and mercy through the heartache.
My band has nine diamonds and I've detailed nine ways he was faithful through our infertility journey (there are clearly more but for symbolic purposes I chose nine).
1. the family/friends/strangers who prayed for us
2. the timing of M getting a new job with health insurance that partially covered IVF
3. the financial support from my family
4. the way he led me to publicly share my story in order to encourage others and give my trial purpose
5. the way he brought strangers (like Evelyn from Costco) into my life who had already been through IVF
6. the fact that he brought Blair to us and sustained her through the NICU
7. the incredibly loving husband he provided me with
8. the way he gently reminded me when I found out only 2 embryos fertilized and was devastated, "Natalie, you only needed one, and I gave you two." This still gives me chills.
9. the timing of our refinance for our home that has now allowed us to pay for a nanny
God had complete control the whole time! And while I wavered and struggled to trust him he was never shaken. He has always been bigger and more powerful than our infertility and will continue to be through the rest of our trials in life.
I'm overwhelmed and humbled by his grace and mercy and have learned/matured in my faith an incredible amount. He showed me sin in my life that I never would have noticed had I not gone through this heartache and I'm thankful to have a new perspective on my struggles. I understand his love in ways I never would have and it makes me value my relationship with him exponentially above all else.
No matter my circumstances, God you are so good. I never thought I would say this but I am glad you chose me to have the burden of infertility. It has changed my life!
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