April showers sure did bring us a May flower! Logann Mae was born on May 22, 2019 at 3:48 pm. She came into the world quickly (for me) after about 3.5 hours of labor (thank you, Jesus!). She was 7 pounds, 13 ounces and 20 inches long... my biggest baby yet! Also the baby I carried the longest. Blair came at 35 weeks, the twins at 37, and Logann at 40!

I had a lot of hopes for Logann's birth but was trying to keep my mind set as flexible as possible. I wanted to remember that no matter how she entered the world, as long as we were healthy then that was a good thing.

I mentioned that my "plan" was to have a natural birth. I had an epidural with Blair and the twins (in hind sight if I had had different doctors with the twins I wouldn't have needed one. C'est la vie). You can read Blair's birth story HERE and the twins HERE.

On Monday my doctor checked me and I was dilated to a 4. He stripped my membranes (again) and this time I hardly noticed...which meant my body was more ready for labor. The baby's head was farther down. He mentioned that he was on call in the hospital on Wednesday and that after that he wouldn't be on call till July. I LOVE my doctor and really wanted him there for delivery so we decided to schedule an induction. He knew that I wanted a natural birth so he suggested breaking my water on Wednesday as opposed to Pitocin. He figured I was "ripe for the picking" and that that would get things going quickly.

My doula and best friend helping me to stay in control during transition

After talking things over with him, my doula, and Matt we decided I was a good candidate for induction and I headed to the hospital on Wednesday morning. They broke my water at 12 and at first I didn't notice much while sitting in bed. My doula texted me to get up and walk around and that definitely got things moving. I had contractions that I could walk and stand through for about an hour and then things started to get serious.

I asked for the bosu ball and spent the rest of my labor on that! My doula arrived around 2:30 and I was really feeling it. She helped me to stay in control of my breathing. In through my nose and letting it out slowly through my mouth. For me, it really helped to hum while letting out my breath and to rock on the ball. Motion and noise helped distract me from the pain. I kept drooling because I was so focused on my breathing I couldn't even swallow my spit! In hindsight it is hilarious. The pictures are awesome haha. Listening to worship music by Lauren Daigle also soothed me.

Once I started transitioning I was getting desperate. I kept asking "How much longer?" because for me it helps to have a deadline on my pain. There were moments when I said I couldn't do it anymore and that I was going to need the epidural. At that point I was so close to delivering but didn't know it yet. I was repeating "I can do anything for one minute and one day" over and over in my head. I also had to remind myself of other women I knew who had labored naturally and that if they could do it then I could do it! The last thing that I told myself was that this was temporary. I wanted to meet the goal I had set for myself.

Realizing it's a girl

My doula reassured me that I COULD do it and to focus on my breathing. She reminded me that I was strong, that I was made for this, and that I wanted this! Minutes later I started to feel the familiar "pressure" down there and told her my body was starting to push on it's own. She told me to stay in control while she told the nurse and doctor who apparently were standing right outside my door waiting for her green light. They came in, I had one more contraction on the ball and then they helped me onto the bed. The next contraction I pushed half of her out and then had another half contraction and the rest of her came out. One and a half pushes?! I'll take it!

The amount of relief I had after that was overwhelming. So much so that I didn't even ask/look to see what the baby was till after they had laid her on my stomach. I was so glad to be done laboring! When I did ask they picked her up and I was the first to see it was a GIRL!!! I was SO surprised and happy! My whole pregnancy I was telling myself that it just made sense to have a boy but deep down I had a feeling it was going to be a girl. My body carried Blair the same way.

And yes while it would be nice for Cal to have a brother he has three boy cousins his age who live right down the street... he will be just fine! And I have to admit... he is my special boy and I kinda like having him all to myself as my little boyfriend. He's going to make a great husband one day that's for sure!

After realizing I had had a natural birth I was on top of the world! I shouted, "I am a CHAMPION!" so loud I'm sure the nurses station heard me haha! I also said, "I can't believe all you stupid people who do this!!!" Which then my doula reminded me that I was now one of those "stupid people." Haha. My doctor was laughing and just said, "See? This is what all births should look like!" He was beaming and so was I. The emotion and joy in that room could not be matched. I'll never forget the feeling of realizing I had done something that seemed impossible. It must be similar to running your first marathon and crossing the finish line.

The Lord met me in so many ways that day. From little things to big things. I got a full night of rest the night before. I labored and had Logann at a super convenient time which allowed my Mom, doula, and photographer to be there without too much trouble. My labor was fast. Pushing was minimal. I didn't tear (bonus!). My doctor delivered my baby. I didn't need an epidural. Baby and mama were healthy. My kids were able to meet her shortly after. My milk came in and has been plentiful (nipples are currently being chewed off but that's another story). And it was a GIRL!


God. Is. Good. And I realize not everyone gets their perfect birth experience. And if I didn't then guess what? He's still good and I would have learned something from that too. He is always refining us! And let me tell you... four kids is refining LOL. My time has come!

Let me know if you have any questions below! I'm an open book! :)

*This post is sponsored by Pink Blush

While I do love sweats, I also realize I can't wear them for all nine months of my pregnancy. ;) It can be hard to find things to wear while pregnant but Pink Blush has me covered for maternity clothes! They sent over some adorable maternity tops and I got complemented on them right away! The best news is that I'm pretty sure they will work for me after the baby arrives too...win win!

With Valentines Day around the corner this coral off shoulder ruffle pom trim maternity top is perfectly festive! I'll be sure to wear it out when my hubby takes me on a date night to celebrate! ;) It also transitions perfectly into spring... the pom poms are my favorite detail.

I also received this rust button should waffle knit maternity top which is so soft and comfy. I feel like this rust color is super in and in fact I'm using this color as a staple in the baby's nursery! I love it.

• If you are looking for stylish maternity clothes (they also have non-maternity women's clothing!) then be sure to check out Pink Blush! You'll be happy you did! 

Half way to the finish line! This week marks 20 weeks and I can feel the baby moving and grooving. Matt is the only one who has felt the baby kick so far. It happened on his birthday/Christmas which was pretty special.

Definitely not nauseous like I was in the beginning. Still pretty pooped but that could be due to my three minions running around at home. Wearing legit maternity support leggings have really helped my varicose veins. I really love THESE by Blanqi! December was pretty miserable for our family. We were hit with ear infections, throw up, diarrhea, fevers, coughs and more! I was ready to say adios to 2019.

On top of all that glory my psoriasis returned since my immunity is so low (thanks pregnancy!) along with a couple of fever blisters. I'm quite a sight to be seen. Annnnd I sound like an old lady complaining about all my ailments. Let's move on!

Matt claims he's going to be naming this baby but ask him how many names he's come up with (zero). Also let it be made known that I suggested all the names for our other kids and he agreed to the ones we chose and had total veto power. Not a chance he gets 100% name control AND is making me wait to find out the gender till birth! But I'll let him think that for a while... ;)

So far I haven't been focusing on knowing the gender but that may change as things get closer to the due date. It's fully against my type A nature but I'm willing to take one for the team! For now I'm *trying* to fully enjoy this pregnancy is it IS my last. Still praising the One from whom all miracles come from! 

I have started this post in my head a thousand times over the last few weeks. I just can't seem to get it right because HOW do you describe such a miracle as THIS?! I can't. I can't do it. Nothing I write could come close to the emotions that I have felt lately.

It's not twins...that other thing is the yolk sac! 

Let me just start off by saying I NEVER in a thousand years would have thought that having another baby would be possible. Medically it doesn't make sense. Some of you may know that I got pregnant easily with Blair, struggled with secondary infertility for two years, and then had the twins via IVF. This time around it happened quickly again. WHAT is this madness?!

Popped out right away (thanks to the twins wrecking my ab muscles!)

Truly the only explanation I have for it is God. I haven't changed anything in my lifestyle to warrant this. People have told me, "Well you weren't stressed this time so it happened." But I wasn't stressed when we started trying for baby #2 either because I didn't know it would be a struggle. My infertility sandwich just doesn't make sense.

Two Months

But I'll tell you what. Nothing has ever made me feel more chosen to see infertility. God has made it clear to me that he chose that trial for me. And wow it makes me feel allllll the things. I am humbled. I feel full of purpose. And I see a glimpse of what He's doing here. I've made it pretty obvious that that time in my life was hard on me. But the growth and maturity that came from it was staggering. I now get to encourage other women through the mess of infertility and I pray that this fourth baby doesn't make them bitter but instead that it provides hope. Hope that anything is possible. Even a natural pregnancy after infertility.

And we 100% looked like a shotgun wedding lol. Thankful for bouquets!

I've been dreading sharing this news a bit to be honest. The last thing I want to do is cause more pain for others. And while I'm excited I do know personally the pain that comes with pregnancy announcements. They sting. It's a weird balance of being happy for them and sad for yourself. I don't take this lightly and I hope that comes across as such.

Oh, hi baby bump!

I'm sure there's a few questions to how we arrived here. Matt and I decided to try for a year and if it happened, it happened. And if it didn't then it didn't. No more fertility treatments. We were content as a family of five but wanted to leave room for more if the Lord saw that fit. A couple months later I was shocked to see those little pink lines. I'm still shocked out of my pants. Oh, and a fun fact... my medical chart clearly says Elderly Pregnancy. Seriously?! I'm 34 by the way. And the baby is set to come 23 days after I turn 35. But I've never carried a baby past 37 weeks so I'm going to ask them to remove that from my chart if it comes before my birthday! ;)

There's more to say I'm sure. I just can't think of it right now. I'll be keeping you guys posted and hoping that you will be praying for a healthy baby. Oh and I'm 95% sure we aren't finding out the gender! Who am I?! Time will tell how patient I can be. ;)

Last week Cool Mama sent me one of their nursing tops and I can't believe I've been functioning without them! The fabric is super soft made from bamboo and the cut of the shirt is very flattering. The sleeve is a bit longer to hide my not-so-toned arms and it's very blousy around the mid section which always helps.

And the best part is that you can wear these while pregnant AND breast feeding! A second bonus for me is that I can nurse both babies at the same time without needing a nursing cover. This solves so many problems! I seriously can't wait to order more of these tops...they have dresses too!

And yes I do see the humor in the following pictures...those are the babies' heads, I swear! Ha ha!

Easy side slit allows baby to get to the good stuff. 

Chatting with Everly while Cal finishes up

Please like Cool Mama on Facebook and use the code "CoolMamaUSA" to get 10% off!

Head on over to their Etsy store and shop HERE . :)
Happy shopping!

When I was 27 weeks pregnant my photographer, Carrie, did a lifestyle maternity photo shoot. She really wanted to capture my belly when I was bigger but we were afraid if we waited too long that I would have another pre-term delivery like I did with Blair.

Well, 35 weeks rolled around and I was still pregnant so we decided to capture me in all my round glory. :) I remember these photos were taken after my little stint in the hospital due to some pre-eclampsia symptoms and my ankles were crazy swollen. I was not dying to shower and "get beautiful" but I'm so glad I did now! Since that was my last pregnancy I am so glad we documented it. My belly was HUGE and I don't even recognize that body of mine. It's amazing how God created us and I'm so thankful I was able to carry these babies to term!

Flower crown by @juniperandmint.

To catch up on parts one, two, and three of my birth story scroll down. Otherwise here is the final part to my birth story with the twins!

Shortly after I was wheeled into recovery and the twins were getting assessed, my doctor asked me to lift my hips up to slide something underneath me. Right when I did that I started hemorrhaging badly. Later I would find out that my Mom saw my doctor sprinting down the hall and thought he was off to deliver another baby. In actuality he was racing to my room along with a slew of other doctors and nurses to stop my bleeding. 

I ended up losing over a liter of blood and needing a blood transfusion. I truly have never been so scared in my life. I remember hardly being able to keep my eyes open but at the same time too scared to let them close. I recall asking my nurse (who happens to be a friend of mine) if I was going to die. She said I would be ok (phew!). I have never seen that many frantic doctors around my bed before and it truly terrified me! I was very lightheaded, extremely hot, and just feeling horrible overall. 

They were able to control the bleeding and I spent a couple more hours in recovery. At around 3 am they wheeled me over to ante-partum...for moms who have complications pre or post delivery. I spent the night there with M and the twins. 

The next day they wheeled me over to post partum where they continued to monitor me. The nurses and staff were so sweet and kept stopping by to say hi and check on me. They called me a "rock star" because of my crazy labor and also because I was breastfeeding twins. M and I slept in the same bed (nice and cozy!) because the twins liked to be skin to skin with us and upright. 

I continued to have some high blood pressure readings but I attributed this to being a new mom of twins. Thankfully they let us go home late Wednesday night. 

I still can't believe these two babies are mine. This time around I am cherishing every moment with them instead of wishing they were older and easier (read: sleeping through the night and not nursing). It is surreal to see our story come full circle and to still walk by our refrigerator and see the picture of them as embryos while I physically have their sweet bodies pressed up against mine. God deserves all the glory and I will forever enjoy sharing their story with others. Miracles still happen around us and they are ours! 

Yesterday I ended part two of the birth story with me being dilated to a 9 for 4 hours. I can never explain that discomfort/pain...it won't do it justice!

After the doctor checked me 3 times over the course of 4 hours (and I was still at a 9) I decided it was time for the epidural. This broke my heart because I had made it SO far naturally but I knew that mentally and physically my body was not going to make it to a 10 unless I relaxed. I could not figure out how to relax through my contractions but I knew that when I had the epidural with Blair things progressed really quickly. 

M and Ashley (my doula) really encouraged me to try and finish the race sans epidural but I knew my body was done. So, without further delay I got an epidural...and that was SO scary! It was so hard to be completely still through contractions at a 9 but I fought through it because I knew my babies were right around the corner. 

From the time I decided to get the epidural to when it actually set through my body, was about an hour and a half. As soon as the epidural took the doctor checked me again and I was at a 10. I knew I just needed a little bit of a break to reach the finish line. 

At this point everyone suited up and I was wheeled over to the OR. With twins there is such a high risk of needed a C-section that all deliveries are in the OR. Typically they only allow one person to be with you in the OR. For me, that person was M of course. However I knew Ashley would be a huge help too. Since she happens to be a post partum nurse at the hospital where I delivered they allowed her to be there too. That sure worked out well! 

These are by far the most unattractive pictures of me. Who looks good at this angle?!

Once in the OR Everly was ready to come out. It took me about 4 pushes to get her tiny little five pound body out. When she came out and was placed on my tummy I was overwhelmed with happiness. I cried and cried and remember saying, "We've been waiting for you! We wanted you so much! You are our miracle." Re-writing those words still makes me tear up. After the cord was done pulsating, Matt cut it and we were on to the next baby.

sweet Everly Grace born at 8:55 pm weighing 5lb 10 oz and 17&3/4 inches long

My contractions were 6 minutes apart (woah!) so we had to wait a while for Calvin to show up. For a while I remember looking in the mirror at the top of his little big head while we waited for the second contraction. After about 4 pushes he also came out. If it were just up to Evie I wouldn't have torn at all but he changed that. ;) Thanks Cal. 

sweet Calvin Noah born at 9:22pm, weighing 7lb 6 oz and 20 inches long

Again when they placed him on my tummy I was in a complete state of euphoria. God had given us not one miracle, but two and I was overwhelmed by his goodness. Matt, Ashley, and I were all crying happy tears and I will never forget sharing that moment with them. 

Once Cal and Evie were weighed and measured and checked over by the NICU they wheeled us all to the recovery room where they did their initial assessments of the babies. 

All was well until they asked me to shift my body weight to check on things "down there." 

Cal and Evie

Stay tuned to see what brought all the doctors frantically running down the halls to my bedside...

One of the scariest moments of my life! 

...to catch up on the first part of the twins' birth story check out yesterday's post!

We ended with me getting a small dose of Pitocin to get things going. A small dose turned into the full amount because my body just wasn't responding with strong contractions.

Fighting through it. My doula would braid my hair for comfort and it felt SO good! 

Despite me wanting the least amount of interventions possible (I was already on mag and pit) due to some high blood pressure, we also decided it was time to break my water. I was stagnant and my doula and I agreed that this was a good step forward since some women's bodies respond quickly when their water breaks. I was dilated to a six when the doctor came in and broke Evie's (baby A) water.

Raw emotion right there. 

That did seem to speed things up and make my contractions more intense. After a little while the doctor came in and checked me and declared that I was a 9.5! I was thrilled and remember thinking, "wow...that wasn't so bad! I did it!"

My doula in her bunny suit after they wheeled me back from the OR. 

Matt and my doula suited up in their bunny suits and they wheeled me into the Operating Room. A different doctor checked me one last time and said, "Who checked her and said she was a 9.5?! She is only a 7!" Upon hearing this I started crying. When you have been laboring that long and think you are done...it is devastating news. Especially since I didn't have the comfort of an epidural.

They wheeled me back to Labor and Delivery where I knew I was going to have to keep laboring for a few more hours. I was so disappointed but made it to a 9 after a couple of hours.

The CRAZY swelling I got after being on so much magnesium. I'll have to come back and post a picture of my "regular" leg soon. By the time I delivered I didn't even have knee caps. 

I finally hit 9 centimeters at 3 pm and kept telling myself that I was SO close to meeting my miracles. Little did I know that I would stay at a 9 for FOUR hours. I can't begin to describe how miserable that was. The sensation of feeling like I had to push but wasn't allowed to (because they didn't want my cervix to tear) is unreal.

Honestly this is gross but imagine that you are sick with diarrhea and you gotta go but everyone is telling you not to. Then add in that they are making you drink coffee, while riding a horse, on the world's bumpiest dirt road. Oh and add massive cramping/pain to that without a break in between. FOR FOUR HOURS.

Stay tuned for part 3!

The twins are here! And have been so for a week but of course I'm just now getting around to telling their birth story. It was a long drawn out labor so if you read to the end...I'm impressed!

Here's the last photo I took with the twins in my belly...

My family came over Saturday night and we played pool volleyball and ate some delicious Mexican food.

On Sunday morning I started having contractions that were pretty intense. I was having to breathe through them a little bit and so M and I decided to head down to the hospital. Since my water broke with Blair I wasn't sure how long to wait out contractions at home (especially with twins!)

My contractions were actually really intense on the drive to the hospital and I think M was getting real nervous! I kept telling him to pass people and hurry up!

My AMAZING doula!

When we arrived at the hospital I was dilated to a 4.5 and 80% effaced. They tested my urine which came back with protein in it and my blood pressure was rising so they identified me with preeclampsia (again). They wheeled me over to labor and delivery and started me up on magnesium to help manage my blood pressure. That stuff is no fun! It gave me a headache (as if contractions aren't enough), made me lightheaded, and holy HOT. That stuff made me feel like I had the worst sunburn of my life!

Blair, Calvin and Everly!

SO thankful for the cold washcloths with lemon and lavender...ahhhh

After a while my contractions seemed to fade away and my labor stopped so they decided to give me Pitocin to speed things up. They started my Pit Sunday night but contractions remained light until the morning...

Stay tuned! It's one heck of a wild ride!