I had a very insightful conversation with one of my Mom's friends who is an infertility nurse. She just got done with a conference in which PCOS was highly discussed. She said she knows about all the up-to-date equipment that is being used successfully in IVF labs and cutting edge medical procedures. By talking to her I realized what I suspected: that I produce eggs but I likely don't actually release them (ovulate). This is common with PCOS patients. The fix? A simple HCG shot to ensure that my eggs are released. I'll definitely be doing this these next 3-4 months along with Letrozole which is the best egg maturing drug out there right now. We discussed many other things such as determining which IVF clinic is best. Because I mean if you're spending 20K you may as well be going to the best one in your area. This website allows you to compare clinics in your area. So helpful! Turns out the one I'm currently going to gets really good ratings.
I'm continuing to learn so much throughout this trial. A friend of mine actually found out she was prego this week and texted me literally the day she peed on the stick. I had known she was trying, which is always helpful when someone drops the news on me because I've had time to prepare myself for the inevitable. She was incredibly sensitive to my feelings and if someone had to write a book titled "How to Tell Your Infertile Friend You are Pregnant" she would be the best author. Here's what she said,
"Hey I want to tell you something, something that I actually do not want to tell you. I got a positive pregnancy test today, it hasn't been confirmed by a doctor but I wanted to tell you. I hate that this will make you sad. I hate that you are going through this. I hate it. I wish you were pregnant before me. I know it was hard for me to hear when I was trying. You are such an amazing woman, I love you and want only the greatest for you-just think if I (a sinner) want that for you how much more God wants it for you. Hang in there. I love you so much and I am so sorry that my news will make your situation harder. I'm probably not the person you'd want to talk to about this but I am here to talk if you need me. You don't have to ever be fake or pretend with me, you can be real."
Not surprisingly I cried. But not for the reasons you're thinking. She made me realize how incredibly blessed I am to be surrounded by friends who care. Yes, this whole thing sucks. But if I have to go through it I'd like to do it with people like her.
I listened to an awesome sermon recommended by (another!) great friend. You can listen to it here. It was all about trusting the Lord and not doubting. I happen to believe that the Lord will bless us with another baby one day. The unbelief comes when I see everyone else getting what I want so badly with (usually) great ease. I need to snap out of that and this is the verse that spoke to me, "But when you ask (for wisdom), you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."
Oy. The part that gets me is when it says, 'That person should not expect to receive ANYTHING from the Lord.' I don't want to have any unbelief. However I know the only way to rid myself of that is by asking Christ for help. So please, Lord, help my unbelief!
I decided to add this section when a friend (that's 3 good friends in one post!) told me that she was praying that God gives me a "nugget" each day. Basically that I would recognize His grace and goodness in small (or big) ways. This week the nugget was getting in touch with the infertility nurse. Having her undivided attention for 30 minutes was a huge blessing. I asked her questions that I've never truly gotten a straight answer to before and felt so peaceful and confident afterwards. This could only be from the Lord.
If you've made it to the end of this post you either a. must really care about me b. have PCOS or c. be on bed rest and have nothing better to do. :) Either way thanks for indulging me. These posts are difficult and time consuming to write. They are emotionally exhausting and it's always good to hear someone (besides me) is benefiting from them!
|A few of the "rocks" in my life. :)|
PS Blair had a stage 10 melt down yesterday because I wouldn't drive her to Dirty Baby's friend's house. Every day when we run errands she points to random homes and says, "Look! That's where Baby's friends live!" Apparently yesterday was the "real" house and when I said we couldn't actually go there and knock on the door she FREAKED. I tried to explain that strangers live there (stupid) and it wouldn't be safe. This pissed her off even more to which she responded, "They aren't strangers! They're real!" Sigh. I've got my work cut out for me...