Friday, August 22, 2014

(In)Fertility Fridays and Favorites

Since I pretty much laid this week out already here I'll keep this post short. 

Nothing but trying the good old fashioned way over here this week. TMI? I've taken all my meds thus far and am beyond grateful for a friend who mentioned to me that she has extra progesterone. She dropped them off yesterday and now I have exactly the amount I need to make it to my next pregnancy test. Such a God thing! She is currently prego with twins from IUI. :) Us infertile ones gotta stick together! Today we meet with our new doctor. 

You caught me on a good day. ;) I'm sure part of it has to do with the surprise meds that were dropped off here this morning.I'm still marveling over that miracle. I'm optimistic about meeting with our new doctor after chatting with another friend (who is prego with twins!) who had a successful round of IVF at the clinic I'm going to. We hung out on the playground this week and she was so encouraging. I'm feeling blessed to have these women in my life. Since my friend dropped off the meds at 7:45 this morning I was up before B and had some solid alone time with my coffee and my Bible. It was glorious! After my pastor recommended that I start reading through Psalms I found a lot of comfort in seeing that David felt the same way I have been feeling lately. Chapter 6 and 13 were my faves.
Friday Favorites

my new succulents (and this girl obvi)

happy flowers from thoughtful friends

a beautiful sky after some much needed rain

crafting for an upcoming bachelorette party

finding this juice box that came with a meal i bought for blair. then downing the whole thing in the corner where she couldn't see me. nothing like stealing from a baby. ;)
buying these babies on sale yesterday for spring
then adding these to my cart to get the free shipping. :)
Did you get any moccs yesterday? I'm obsessing over ours (always). We are home this weekend and I couldn't be happier. Time to get some projects done around the house, M! Also, we're on baby watch since my sis-in-law is due tomorrow! Yippee!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Pizza, Panties, and Polish

Last week Blair and I headed over to a friends house for a "girls night." We ordered pizza, did our nails, and potty trained the poop heck out of our girls. It was a little wild with three littles running around fighting over the potty while we attempted Jamberry nails but we eventually did have success! 

potty princesses

charlotte, blair, and andelyn

the picture charlotte took of us...insert crying laughing face here

mommy and mini matching pedi!
Have you ever used Jamberry? We have been loving ours so far but fair warning...applying them to a two year old's feet is not for the faint of heart. ;)

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Make-Up Products

Thanks for all the sweet comments yesterday. M and I are attempting this cycle the old fashioned way without IUI but with all my previous medication. We meet with the new doctor on Friday and are feeling optimistic about that. Now if I may distract myself you with some make up fun...

A few of you have asked about my make-up routine. Truth be told most days it consists of either none or very minimal.

However last weekend I had the opportunity to get "all dolled up" for a wedding and felt pretty good about myself! :) Below are the items that I used. Sorry I'm not brave enough to do a real tutorial with pictures etc. Trust me when I say there are no special techniques I use to apply anything. :)

For my low maintenance days I stick with mascara, brow powder, and lip balm. For fancier days I pull out all the stops with what you see above. Oh, and if anyone has an amazing solution to my awesome 30 year old crows feet wrinkles I would be stoked to hear about it. :) Have a great Wednesday!

Tuesday, August 19, 2014


And the winner of the Sea Cove Stitch hair pretty is...
Congrats! An email has been sent to the owner of the shop and she will contact you shortly. :)
The news I received yesterday at the doctor is still sinking in. It was one of the worst days I've had so far on this infertility journey and I couldn't wait for "Fertility Friday" to share. Basically this whole time my provider thought that I was still covered under my old job as a teacher. Apparently my old employer never canceled my benefits, so this whole time we were covered and I'm not sure if we were supposed to be.

Enter yesterday.

When I walked in to check in for my appointment they told me I was no longer covered and that I could not receive any more treatment. They do not allow for patients to pay out of pocket and M's benefits just plain don't cover infertility. I even begged them to pay for the rest of the treatments out of pocket to no avail. I walked out of there sobbing, thinking this entire month is blown for us without IUI. It was really really pathetic and I just didn't care that I sobbed hysterically all the way to my car and then the entire 30 minute drive home.

I have no idea why the benefits lasted as long as they did, but having them come to an end was a bitter pill to swallow.  I could not believe that they would just cancel my treatment for this month cold turkey without trying to work with me at all. Especially when I've already taken 2/3 of the medicine!

And call me crazy but since I already have the HCG shot to release my eggs, I'm still gonna give it to myself since I know how and can base the timing of it off last month's cycle. Lo and behold I also have a bit of progesterone to get me through to my next appointment with the private doctor. Just a little self medicating over here based on the treatment schedules they gave me before slamming the door in my face. But I've got the meds and I'm not letting them go to waste!

M was a complete rockstar yesterday. As soon as I called him he went into "fix it" mode whereas I went into "melt down" mode. He started the process of us getting our medical records so we can take them to the new doctor. He also called the new doctor's office and got us a consultation appointment for next Monday. Too late for this cycle BUT he also asked if there was any way possible we could still do IUI without the consult and they said maybe. So we are off to a new doctor tomorrow. And paying out of pocket (for reals) begins now.

I already mentioned that I was completely devastated yesterday. To think you are going to the doctor to hear you have eggs and are ready for insemination and then to be told, "Sorry. You're screwed this cycle. Try again somewhere else next month" was just heartbreaking. I'm already hopped up on did they think I was going to respond to that?!

I cried. A lot. But in the midst of my disappointment and tears on the way home I repeated (out loud like a crazy lady) "God, I trust you. You knew this would happen all along. You are in control. I am not." Part of me is wondering if God is going to allow us to get pregnant this month despite not having any procedures done. That would be a miracle. And I could 100% say He was behind it all. It is VERY unlikely that we ever get prego again without medical help and/or a miracle.

But even if we don't get prego this cycle God is still God. He is still good. He still has a plan that's perfect for us because it will ultimately glorify Him. And at the end of the day I know that is why I am here and what I desire to glorify Him no matter my circumstances. To praise Him when things are good AND bad. And it's so hard to do. My earthly flesh desires a baby more than God sometimes and I know I'm being stretched to say with certainty that God is enough. If my worst nightmare were to come true would I still worship and serve Christ? I would. It would be difficult but I would. A wise pastor told me Sunday night, "It's how we act and respond in the bad times that proves our character and reveals what we believe about God and His love for us." I believe God loves me whether He rescues us from this or not.

I'm slowly but surely relinquishing my control over to Him. It's exhausting for me to try and control everything and I'm at the point where I want to throw my hands up and say, "I quit!" Which is good, I guess. I quit trying to make my own plans. I quit trying to fix everything myself. I quit trying to find my happiness/purpose in having more kids. I quit. But He doesn't. His love endures forever. And for that I'm thankful.

Here's the best part of my day yesterday...

Monday, August 18, 2014

Weekend Wedding

Finally a weekend where we were home for the most part. Other than a wedding on Saturday night in San Diego we stuck around here. We carpooled down to the wedding with a couple we are good friends with. The guy also happens to be our close high school friend and current pastor of the church we attend. Funny how that happens. I still know him as the same goofy kid I went to middle school with.

Needless to say they had some solid encouragement for us me. M is pretty stable. I'm the blubbering idiot. Would you be surprised if I told you I cried on the way to the wedding (and back home!). Probably not. Our poor friends were stuck in the same car with me for a total of 3 hours. AND to top it off I accidentally dropped a spicy, messy shrimp cocktail all over her dress at the cocktail hour. Seriously? Worst. Friend. Ever. She later told me, "Good thing I like you more than this dress." ;) Of course she was so sweet about it. I was mortified.

I can't remember the last time I did my hair and makeup so I had M document it. :)
earrings: stella and dot, dress: forever 21, belt: target, shoes: steve madden, purse: CAbi
 The bride was a childhood friend of Matt's, and I went to middle school and high school with her. We also coached a local swim team in town. She was a beautiful bride and we're so happy for them!

the newlyweds
Oh and you better believe this 30 year old mama took off her heels and belt faster than you can say "I do" when we got back in the car. I honestly wonder how I ever wore things like that in college for like 5 straight hours. Killer. Hope you guys had a great weekend and have a good Monday!

Friday, August 15, 2014

(In)Fertility Fridays + Indoor Playground

Yup this is happening. A weekly update on all things infertility.

I finished my dose of Clomid (3 pills a day) and gave myself a shot of Menopur. Which, btw I am totally professional at doing now. Then on Monday I head to the doctor to get another ultrasound to spy on my eggs. Prayers could be that I have more than one egg this time which ultimately raises my chances of getting pregnant.

Today is a good day. Yesterday was a bad day. The waves of sadness come and go and I just can't tell if it's my meds or just me. Either way in a couple weeks I'm meeting with a woman from my church who has dealt with secondary infertility herself. She's awesome and I'm looking forward to it. So yes, this crazy nut is officially in counseling. I also had the opportunity to meet with a girl from my church who also went through secondary infertility (SI) earlier this week. She was so sweet and gifted me the cutest frame with an encouraging scripture, "Be still and know that I am God." Surrounding myself with people who have been there seems to help me not feel so alone. Naturally I'm meeting with another mama next week as well. Keep 'em coming!

I found this extremely calming and encouraging in my devotional this week: "He is the Physician, and if He knows everything, there is no need for the patient to know. Calm down, you silly fluttering heart, prying, peeping, and suspecting! What you don't know now, you will know later; and meanwhile Jesus, the Beloved Physician, knows your soul in adversities, Why does the patient need to analyze all the medicine or estimate all the symptoms? This is the Physician's work, not mine; it is my business to trust, and His to prescribe. If He shall write his prescription in a fashion that I cannot read, I will not be uneasy on that account, but will rely upon His unfailing skill to make everything clear in the result, no matter how mysterious the process - Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon

Now back to life with a toddler. And if you need a good laugh then you should read on to see what happened at Little Gym yesterday... excuse the blurry pics. Catching a toddler in action is impossible!

 A couple friends of mine have suggested multiple times that we try out a local "indoor playground" for toddlers. The gym opens the room for an hour and charges $4 a child. Totally reasonable and so fun! They have everything from trampolines to bounce houses, foam cube pits, balance beams etc. I knew Blair would love it.

So before we headed out the door B went potty and off we went. Once we got there I skipped the potty line and we headed straight for the tunnel since she just went. Rookie mistake. I know that when Blair is at church or another very fun activity she has accidents. It's like she's having so much fun she doesn't want to leave and waste time on the potty. I get it, but I'm at the age with which I can hold it...

So as she's standing next to me she starts peeing on the wood floor and I panic. I tell her, "Stop peeing! Stop peeing!" Like that is even a possibility. I pick her up and at first think that holding her away from me while running to the bathroom is a good idea. Then I quickly realize this is going to leave a huge trail of pee behind us so I have her bear hug me and I lift my top up under her bum to catch the flood. And what idiot Mom gives her kid a cup and a half of flax milk right before we go?! This one.

Needless to say this was no little tinkle. This was a torrential downpour. By the time we get to the potty she's done peeing...all. over. me. My shirt was soaked and I definitely had pee all down the front of my pants as well. But we had just got there and already paid (I know, a whole $4) and I wasn't calling it quits. So I took her panties off (her shorts were is this possible?) and wore a pee shirt the rest of the hour. This mom deserves an honorable mention.
the mecca

I stealthily mopped up the drops of pee with my sock (classy) and stayed mum. I was scared that if I told the owner Blair peed on the floor that we would get the boot or possibly not allowed back. That's probably irrational but I wasn't willing to chance it. I had found the toddler mecca for $4 and I wasn't giving up so easily! I'm not sure what the other moms thought about my drenched shirt but I just pretended like it was sweat from my workout that morning. If only I worked out that hard...

Sigh. Lesson learned. Take your kid potty more than you think necessary. Bring an extra pair of clothes for her (and me!), wear socks, and never let your kid eat off the kid peed there.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Learning to Read Good ;)

I'm not sure anyone loves their local library like we do! It's become quite the hit with me and B this summer. Plus you can't beat the price. ;) Not to mention they've been hosting a free lunch every Wednesday after story time...winning! 

'mingo bow c/o Sea Cove Stitch

raspberry moccs c/o freshly picked

dress: vintage baby gap

Mary of Sea Cove Stitch was so kind to send over the cutest little flamingo hair pretty for Blair. I love it because the bow comes off of the headband and can be used as a clip. It's the perfect accessory for the end of summer and will surely come out again in spring! Enter to win your own below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Today I think we are going to attempt an indoor gym that I heard about in our area. It's only $4 for the open gym toddler time so I'm excited to see what it's all about.
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