Pretty positive this month was a bust but I kind of knew that going into it. With the cysts that were seen at the beginning of this month I knew our chances were low. I took a test on Wednesday which came back incredibly negative and I'm not wasting another $4. So it looks like next week I head to the doctor to see if the cysts went away on their own. If not, I get to have them removed...lucky me! I hear it's no big deal though. And I'm definitely not jumping on the Clomid bandwagon again...that did me a whole lotta no good. Looks like it's me, Matt and Progesterone for a while now!
Each month comes with disappointment of course but at the same time it's getting less and less. I don't know if it is because it is what I've come to expect or because I'm trusting God's timing more? Either way I'm less of a basket case and honestly some days I wonder how I could handle more than Blair? On Wednesday she gave me the biggest run for my money yet and I considered the lack of baby in my belly a sign. Two is going to be tough and maybe my type A personality isn't ready for that yet?
I mentioned that I'm choosing to trust God's plan for our family more and more. There are moments that I catch myself in a frantic downward spiral of "what ifs" or "Blair is going to be married by the time we have another kid!" But it all comes back to being confident in faith as I wait for His plan of deliverance to unfold. I know God will never lead me where He can't deliver me and that is reassuring. When I am tempted to complain because God isn't rescuing me via the shortest route possible I need to remember that He is protecting me. He cares for me and loves me and knows exactly what I need and when. And that gets me through my darkest hours.
And because donuts and this girl
I wish I could wear my skeleton jams at the donut shop and look this cute!