(In)Fertility Friday

I have three little stories for you from this week. They are in no particular order (nor do they relate to one another) but they are good short stories. :) Enjoy!

Last night M and I were lying in bed with Blair while she was saying her prayers. They went something like this,
..." and we just pray for Mommy to have a baby soon...

(then in a whisper voice)... Mommy, is that what you are hoping for?"

When I answered 'yes' she continued to pray the same prayer for me. That girl Melts. My . Heart. I just can't get enough of her. And I hear the Lord comforting me through her every time she says that sweet prayer. Writing about it brings tears to my eyes every time. She's precious. And she's honestly all I've ever asked for. Before any of this infertility ever happened I remember asking the Lord for just one girl. If that's all I ever had I would be content. He was so gracious to give her to me. She's such a gift.
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A friend mentioned earlier this week about how when I say things like "When God gives us a baby" on my blog or Instagram it's naive and how I shouldn't expect that from Him. So here's the thing...I completely realize that we may never have another child. But what good does it do to lose hope now? When I say things about my future baby it's out of hope...not expectation. Surely there may come a day when we truly don't have any more hope of having a baby. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up now. There are still options for us and I refuse to throw in the towel now. Until that day comes I believe He can and will bring us another baby. And if He doesn't? Well then I have eternal hope in Him regardless because He is my Savior.
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Last Friday I showed up at Costco's pharmacy bright and early to pick up my birth control. Yup. You read that right. So weird, right? Anyway as the pharmacist was asking me if I had any questions on how to take it, I told her that it's been a while. I went on to say that it's actually for IVF and she stopped what she was doing and looked me straight in the eyes. "Girl, I know how you feel." Really?

She went on to tell me that she has two beautiful children from IVF after one failed cycle. She had opened the can of worms and had no idea. ;) So come to find out she went to the same clinic I'm going to and was so incredibly encouraging. She reminded me that God already has a plan for me. It may or may not involve more babies but a perfect plan none the less.

She told me that I need to stop fighting so hard for this and just give it up to Him. Without making any promises she guessed that taking this stress off of my own shoulders and placing it on His would have positive effects. We talked about how infertility has caused me to trust in Him and have faith in Him like never before. We also discussed the possibility of being a family of three forever and how to be content with that.

Meanwhile there was no one in line behind me (that never happens at Costco!) and I couldn't help but getting emotional. She came out from behind the glass window and gave me a hug. She told me she would pray for me and I promised I would return with updates. I'm convinced that God put Evelyn in the Costco Pharmacy that day just for me. I just know He used her to speak truth to me and bring me peace. His grace is everywhere.
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And now for what's going on...

I'm on birth control, metformin, and a slew of vitamins. I go in on Monday for a hysteroscopy. That's basically where they check your uterus for endometriosis, fibroids, polyps etc. If I have any large things that need to be removed I go back in on another day to have them scraped out. Lovely.

Once we get Matt's genetic tests back that will determine how quickly we can move forward. If we win the lottery (insert sarcasm) and he does have the same recessive trait then we will have to wait to implant the embryos. Here why... the doctor would need to create a probe that is specific to both of our DNA. Apparently this takes up to three months to do. Then once the probe is made they would thaw our embryos and be able to test them for this genetic defect. If we both carry the gene this is most likely the reason why I have been having so many early miscarriages. Sigh.

On the other hand if his results come back and he is not affected by the same recessive gene then we get to proceed forward as planned like this...

The day that will be most difficult (as far as online resources tell me) is the egg retrieval day. I have to be put under anesthesia and post procedure can be quite painful. Of course this calendar is very basic. I get the crazy colorful IVF ones that say what meds I shoot myself with every day on Monday.

So much madness right? And now you know why I'm putting up Christmas decorations this weekend. There will be no time to do that as we get further into this and I want my life to be as stress free as possible! Is that possible during Christmas?! Ha ha. I'm grabbing all my gifts early and if you snooze on your request you just may not get a gift this year. ;)