|Balancing besties keeping us mamas and dadas on our toes!|
I've almost survived my first month on a budget (the horrible "B" word). I have to say that saving for IVF is annoying but there is NOTHING more motivating than saving to pay for your BABY. So, I'm determined to say the least. I will stick to that budget with a vengeance! I'm writing about this under "medical" because that is all that's going on right now medically. Saving for IVF. Right now the plan is to start that process in January but of course I hold my plans very loosely now. The only other medical news is that I started taking maca root again. Some herbal root that's supposed to help regulate my body. Meh. We will see. Can't hurt.
I keep thinking that this time of waiting will get easier but it really hasn't. Maybe I'm getting better at tolerating it but it's still oh so hard. I've decided that if I have to wait then I may as well choose to be happy while I wait instead of miserable. Easier said than done, right? I'm trying really hard to be content and focus on Blair (because she is the sweetest nugget alive I'm convinced). I'm also trying to grasp and come to terms with the fact that she may be our only child. I want to be okay with that...so I'm working on it. Some people never get to have kids and I am blessed with her so it's important for me to focus on that. And also ultimately recognizing Jesus as my full portion.
Yet again I'm loving my little devotional. One day this week it talked about how we can't help others unless we ourselves have experienced suffering, "To do and suffer God's will is the highest form of faith. We cannot do good to others save at a cost to ourselves, and our afflictions are the price we pay for our ability to sympathize. If you are going to be a helper, you must first be a sufferer. The present circumstance, which presses so hard against you, is the best-shaped tool in the Father's hand to chisel you for eternity. Trust Him, then. Do not push away the instrument or you will lose how it is shaping you."
If God is putting me through the fire right now so I can be of help to others then I am all for this suffering. I truly love talking to other women struggling with fertility and encouraging them. I'm passionate about it! I do not want this suffering to be purposeless. With that said I also don't want it to last ten years so can we compromise, God? ;)