|Her dress (similar) and moccs. My necklace: vintage 31 bits, pants: CAbi|
Well the HSG didn't get me anywhere but that was expected. My doctor says I could do Clomid again but to me there's no point since we've been unsuccessful with that 4 times. So I'm just going to continue with my thyroid, progesterone (times two), and Metformin. I decided to start progesterone suppositories after I ovulate and that did prevent me from spotting this month which is good I guess. TMI I'm sure but I like to have record of all the things we've done so far.
I had an emotional week with the possibility of me heading back to work as a teacher to pay for IVF. If we aren't prego by December then that's the reality of things. By then we will have given my current treatment the 6-9 months that was recommended.
I'm struggling with the idea of B being in preschool five days a week. It would be a huge adjustment for us. We're praying about this as a possibility.
In the meantime M has created a budget for us to follow and if I can adhere to it (bye bye Target shopping trips) then he thinks we can do IVF without me having to go back to teaching. Of course I'm willing to do anything that keeps me home with Blair till she's in Kindergarten. Here goes nothing!
I've been asking the Lord to give me more faith as we trudge through this trial. If I'm being honest I lose hope often and get in moods that spiral me down to the thought that this will. never. happen. I'm not even convinced that IVF will solve all our problems which is why we are prayerfully seeking guidance in this. I would hate to spend $20K if it wasn't in His plan, because let's be honest; if it's not his plan then it's not going to get us anywhere. Here's what I have read that encouraged me to have more faith this week,
"Unbelief says, 'How can such and such things be?' It is full of 'hows'; but faith has one great answer to the ten thousand 'hows' and that answer is GOD!... Prayer without faith degenerates into objectless routine, or soulless hypocrisy. Prayer with faith brings omnipotence to back our petitions. Better not pray unless and until your whole being responds to the efficacy of your supplication. When the true prayer is breathed, earth and heaven, the past and the future say Amen. And Christ prayed such prayers. Nothing lies beyond the reach of prayer except that which lies outside the will of God." -Streams in the Desert
And that last sentence is what I struggle with most. What if this just isn't in God's will for our life? How will I ever be okay with that? I still don't know. But I pray that He gives me the strength and grace to get through it, because I can't do it on my own.
Heavy thoughts but I hope that this gives you more insight on how to pray. And I just want to say thank you to all of you who send me encouraging emails regularly. They spur me on SO much and make this trial seem more bearable when I know that they inspire you too! Love you guys!