We had some rain down here yesterday which was great! We need it so desperately. It reminded me of the storm that I'm currently in with secondary infertility. But even these clouds have a silver lining and for that I'm grateful. Thank you Blair for filling my heart with joy daily.
I happened to have some extra Clomid in my medicine cabinet so I decided to take it for the fun of it. I have a doctor's appointment next Friday with PRC, the old fertility clinic I was seeing before I was diagnosed with PCOS. I'm curious to see what the doctor recommends now that I have this diagnosis. I may schedule a hysteroscopy to see what's really going on in my uterus. It's a test where the doctor pushes dye through your uterus/tubes to see if they are clear and if anything looks abnormal. I still feel like I'm missing a piece to the puzzle. We shall see!
Good days and bad days of course. I find myself thinking more and more about IVF and what we would have to do to afford that. The longer we stay on this path the more of a reality that becomes. I would really like to avoid the $20,000 bill so I'm praying it doesn't come to that!
Blair has been super curious lately about when she was in my tummy. She asks me to tell her about when she was in my tummy and what she would do in there, how she would eat, and if we kissed her. All good questions. :) She's also been telling me, "Mommy, when you have a baby and God says it's time, it will be a girl. I will swing her around and put her in a gray dress. I will put bows in her hair and she can sleep in my bed." Bless her heart! Have you heard anything sweeter?! Her world be rocked if we have a boy!
I have so been enjoying my devotional called "Streams in the Desert." Trying to stay positive and focus on my blessings. "Real moral fiber is developed through discipline of faith. You have made your request of God, but the answer does not come. What are you to do? Keep on believing God's Word; never be moved away from it by what you see or feel, and thus as you stand steady, enlarged power and experience is being developed. No amount of persecution tries like such experiences as these. When God has spoken of Hus purpose to do, and yet the days go on and He does not do it, that is truly hard; but it is a discipline of faith that will bring us into a knowledge of God which would otherwise be impossible."
This weekend I get to spend some time with some mama friends, get my hair done, and attend a friend's baby shower. This shower is extra special because she's a PCOS girl too! She gives me hope, hope, hope. Lots of hope!