My cycle has been wonky ever since I had Blair so today we're off to the infertility clinic. There. I said it. All I really hope to accomplish today is getting some answers. Answers to why my cycle is weird. What that means for baby making. And what the next step is. I have a ton of questions and am praying the doctors are eager to help and understanding of our situation.
Nonetheless I know I've grown in my relationship with the Lord through this trial. I've put aside the "pity party" and am consciously choosing joy every day. And now that I'm looking for it I see it everywhere. Mostly in Blair, my sweet little nugget. The way she hugs and kisses me without being prompted, how she sings "Jesus Loves Me" along side me at bedtime, and tells me "I luf you, Mommy." I know when this trial passes I will look back and cherish the extra time I've had with just me and B. She's growing into such a sweet little girl and I love doing life with her.
The anxiety I get when each month passes and I'm not pregnant is not from Him. Anxiety makes me doubt God and His perfect plan for me. It makes me focus on myself and directs me to lead a self-seeking life. But when I focus on having faith in Him and casting my fears on Him, it strengthens me from this temptation. I will persevere in faith because He has never forsaken me as long as I have lived. Genuine faith overflows with joy. I should be expecting challenges in this life and I know this trial will end just as the rest of them have and for that I'm grateful.
Thank you for listening and leaving me sweet comments. It's therapeutic to write out my thoughts and I appreciate all of your support. Hopefully I'll be able to report back soon with answers! In the meantime enjoy some pictures of us at Blair's swim lessons...
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| what is that smile?! |
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| Charlotte and Blair |
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| that grin... |
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| mommy and me fun |
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| "this is the way we wave bye-bye" oh yes. we sing at swim lessons. |
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| the lesson wouldn't be complete without a little drama. not a fan of the diving board...mostly because it means she's jumping in to a stranger! |
My Suit
Blair's suit: vintage baby gap
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Good luck! We ended up doing Ivf but in general I found that once we met with the doctors and got some answers it made me feel a little better. And your summer sounds amazing! I want to sleep til 9:30 and go to the pool everyday!
ReplyDeleteThank you Meghan!
DeleteHopefully you can get some much needed answers. Good luck with everything and I will keep you in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteThanks Sarah!
DeleteLots of prayers coming your way for peace and understanding! Prayers that God will show you His plan and His love through this process! Sending love and support from PA!
ReplyDeleteThanks Brislie!
DeleteI don't know if you've ever read my blog much.....but Jim and I have been walking the secondary infertility road for the last three years. It doesn't have a happy ending(yet), but we've gone the entire RE route so you might find some helpful information in some of my older posts :)
ReplyDeletePraying for you because IF absolutely blows.
Thank you Courtney! I read your posts for about an hour today and found them helpful. I also used to plug in the numbers each month to see when my baby would be due if i so happened to get pregnant that month. And this last month I have stayed away from the due date calculator. sounds like we have a lot in common!
DeleteGood luck today Natalie! I hope you get some answers :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Colleen!
DeleteI dont know if I've mentioned this before - but I love your blog...... but besides that. My best friend got pregnant with her daughter right away - as soon as they started trying. When the time came to have Baby #2, she could not get pregnant. But then one day - it just happened. My sister-in-law also had a difficult time getting pregnant with her first and started going to accupuncture - she didn't know if that's what helped or not, but she found it very relaxing and thinks that it may have helped ease her anxiety - which may in turn have helped her body relax - and sure enough - she got pregnant shortly after! It's in God's hands - but I think you are doing the right thing by going - it never hurts to see what's going on and get more information! Happy thoughts sent your way!
ReplyDeleteThis is encouraging...thank you!
DeleteI will be thinking of you today and hoping that you get some answers. Love your attitude about the whole thing and how you're cherishing the extra time with B!
ReplyDeleteThank you Natasha...means a lot to me. :)
DeleteHow refreshing to see and hear your faith and trust in the Lord. I hope today is smooth for you!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Laureen. That's the only way I can get through this stuff.
DeleteHey Nat! I'm a fairly new reader of your blog and a SAHM of a 16 month old little girl (with toddler hair wild enough to rival your Blair's). I just wanted to say you have a great perspective, and I hope the pros can help you sort out the business of baby #2. Best wishes all the way from Toronto, Canada.
ReplyDeleteThank you Rebecca! Mamas of kids with curly hair unite! ;)
DeleteHi Natalie, I've been following your blog for a while, and though I haven't commented much, my heart just broke for you when you wrote about dealing with IF. Having walked a very painful road of IF myself, I know how challenging it can be to trust God's plan for you. Consciously choosing joy each day is a great place to be! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if you've ever heard of NaPro technology (the Creighton model of NFP) but I have several friends who have achieved pregnancy - either their first, or second after dealing with secondary infertility. I know there are doctors in CA, though I'm not sure about where they might be in relation to you. The science behind what goes on in your cycle is absolutely astounding. Here's the link, in case you wanted to look another option aside from the IF clinic. http://www.fertilitycare.org/ If you have questions, just leave a comment on my blog!
You and M are in my prayers!
thank you! i will look into it for sure. so good to know there are options out there!
DeleteI am a new reader to your blog, and am really enjoying it! The light-hearted posts are so much fun, but I appreciate your willingness to broach a more sensitive topic; I know that this can be a tough subject to write about, but so many people struggle with infertility and few open up about it - I think it's time more people did. So thank you! I also really appreciate your perspective, and admire your willingness to let God work in you amidst your struggles. I don't know if you're open to advice, but I thought I'd share my story. . . after a very long journey just getting to the point of trying to start a family (involving a 14+ year battle with anorexia, having to wean off antidepressants, etc.) my husband and I started trying for a baby last September. Much to our surprise we got pregnant the following month, but miscarried early in the pregnancy. Following my miscarriage, my cycles grew more and more irregular, to the point where I had a cycle that lasted almost 70 days. I was frustrated, disheartened, and stressed, which I knew could only be making it harder for my body to conceive. After reading some hopeful reviews online, I began taking a supplement called Nature's Way Vitex (also called Agnus-Castus) to try to regulate my cycle. I noticed immediate results; I ovulated just 2.5 weeks into my cycle (WAY earlier than usual) and got pregnant right away. I am now 9 weeks pregnant and doing well. I don't know if it's the Vitex that helped me to get pregnant, but if nothing else, it jump started my cycle. Sorry for such a long story, but I hope it offers some hope!
ReplyDeletei'm sorry to hear about your struggles but am so glad you are pregnant now! thank you so much for the tips...i'll have to look into it! praying for a healthy pregnancy for you. :)
DeleteSending the most positive thoughts your way!!! Love your attitude, best of luck sweet mama!!!
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for you & your little family<3 You look so skinny.& TAN! I'm so jealous & pastey lol.
ReplyDelete-Paige
(The one who emailed about Miranda Lambert lol)
https://m.facebook.com/paige.owens.75