Buzz Kill

Monday, July 21, 2014

Well this weekend was sure one for the books. On Friday I had my ultrasound which was underwhelming. I started with four eggs and only one of them matured. Bummer. Then my doctor discovered that the other half of M's test results were in and the conclusion was no bueno. I'll spare the details but basically the "fault" now rests on both of us. We're pretty sucky at this baby making thing. She then proceeded to tell me that our already low percentages of getting pregnant were now cut in half. Yup. 50%. So that puts the likelihood of us conceiving at a whopping 5%. Including the help of medication/insemination etc. Not great odds...

So, yeah. My weekend was lame. Add me dropping my phone into our pool and the cake is frosted. RIP iphone, it was good knowing you. :/ As if we can afford a new one of those right now with infertility bills knocking on our door.

I know. I'm a total buzz kill right now but I couldn't help feeling pretty disappointed this weekend. I know that God performs miracles all the time in the medical field. Things that happen and none of the doctors can explain it other than being a miracle. Well that's what I'm holding onto right now. At 5% we really do need a miracle. I believe God can do it...it's just a matter of His timing...that's the hard part of course.

So now we wait. Insemination happened on Sunday and I start taking progesterone on Wednesday from here on out until my cycle starts (or I'm pregnant!). If it were up to me I would choose the latter. ;) Then we either start this crazy madness all over again or concentrate on keeping that baby cookin. I love baking, God, so let's cook a baby together, yeah?! Har har.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention one of the people who help me get through this infertility thing every second of every day. Of course my Blair is the best medication out there. She is just turning into the most lovely little girl a mama could ever ask for. Her questions surprise and humor me. Her kisses and  hugs melt me and she is hands down the best distraction around. Thank you baby girl for all you do and you don't even know it. Mama loves you SO very much.





Again and again thank you for all your well wishes, prayers, and encouragement. It makes a big difference! Despite my super crappy weekend I know God is still in control. But I'm human and I can't be Cindy Sunshine all the time. The good comes with the bad...

20 comments:

  1. Great pics of B, so much personality! I relate to so much of 'your story'. I'd be happy to share more over email if you ever want to chat about our experience. Thikning about you!

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  2. Oh no! I'm praying things get better and God and you can do some baking together! I know they say everything happens in God's time and it always works out better than what we could have ever imagined but as humans it's just so hard to wait sometimes for something we want to so bad. I'll keep you and your little family in my prayers and pray that God gives you guys a little patience and peace along the way!

    Definitely a new follower!

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  3. Thinking of you constantly and saying prayers for you and your family. I believe that you're right, that it's all in God's timing. Hoping you get good news soon! xoxox

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  4. Prayers for you sweet lady! I found out about three months ago I have endometriosis and we don't know what that means for my baby making skills either! I am not currently trying, seeing as my man and I aren't married yet but the what ifs can surely overtake your mind! I always tell myself, "If not, He is still good!" He was good before these trials and He will be good no matter the outcome! Praying for your peace of mind!

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    1. such a good reminder of His goodness despite our circumstances. thank you!

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  5. Ugh, I'm so sorry about the crummy news :( And don't even apologize...you get to be as much of a Debbie Downer as you want when you're going through fertility treatments. That's what I say anyway...

    I know it feels like the end of the world right now, but I pray that there's good news around the corner for y'all. We've had a lot of those moments during our infertility "journey" where I thought it was over and there was no way it would ever work...but alas, He had a bigger plan. And I know he does for you too. Hang in there girl and let me know if you need anything at all!

    PS: Blair is seriously the most beautiful little person ever!!!

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    1. i'm going to have to hunt down your infertility journey now that you've sparked my interest! it always helps hearing about how other people overcame it. :)

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  6. Oh girl. Big hugs. I know exactly, exactly, exactly how you feel. Hoping and praying for nothing but the best outcome. I cling to those teensy percentages every month too. Hang in there.

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    1. it sure helps to know that other people understand out there and are going through the same thing. sucky, but feels better not being alone!

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  7. You're NOT a buzzkill. Infertility is hard stuff (I know from experience). Thank you for being so open about your struggle on your blog. Many prayers headed your way!

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    1. just read through your blog a little bit..SO great to hear #2 is coming!

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  8. Praying for you! Hang in there pretty mama!

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  9. Hang in there! I'll make sure to say some extra prayers:) Blair is adorable!

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  10. I know the feeling all too well. Sending big hugs to you! I'm hearing so much about progesterone right now and am wondering why my doc didn't prescribe it for me...but then it would have been pointless as I ended up with an ectopic pregnancy (twice).

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  11. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, infertility really sucks! Hang in there, sending prayers and lots of baby dust your way!

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear about this! It takes a brave and humble momma to share this with all of us. It's so hard to understand why God puts these trials into our lives. You seem to have good faith and a strong support system around you. Hugs and prayers!

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