After two of the darkest years of my life, there is light. There is hope, joy, and an overwhelming feeling of gratitude to the One who is the creator of all life. My shoulders are light where a huge burden used to lie and I owe it all to Him. God, I could sing of your grace forever.
Yesterday my blood test came back with good news showing that I am indeed pregnant. I know we are not out of the woods yet but this is a huge step forward. The Lord has given me every reason to trust Him and I plan on doing just that. I plan on trusting Him when I go back on Wednesday to make sure my numbers are going up; I plan on trusting Him next week when I have blood work done to test my numbers again; and I plan on trusting Him when we have our first ultrasound to ensure that there is a heart beat (or two!). I know that He is more than able. God has been faithful this entire journey and I'm thankful He has never abandoned me in my times of doubt and weakness. I need to continue to trust Him with my whole being no matter where this journey takes me. This baby (babies) is in your hands Lord. I pray that you protect him/her and continue to grow him/her into a healthy, strong baby!
I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge those who are still struggling with infertility (heck, I could be back in that camp soon for all I know). It is a dark, painful struggle to deal with and I don't wish it upon my worst enemy. I realize that since I am no longer in this camp I lose some of my validity but I'm here to say that I am not done with infertility yet. In fact the wounds that infertility has caused me and the spiritual growth that resulted is something I will carry with me forever. I want to continue to encourage women who are dealing with this in big ways. God hasn't showed me exactly how to do this yet but I'm listening for His voice. In April I'm attending an infertility/adoption event and I'm hoping some doors open up there. Just know that for now I am still praying for all the women out there facing this heartache. I'm praying for your miracle right alongside mine.
For now we are cautiously optimistic. I'm not waving my "I'm pregnant!" flag till we hear a heart beat but in the mean time I have hope. This is the best news we have had in two years and I'm holding onto it for dear life.