Last week I got the worst and best news.
I decided to take a pregnancy test early in the week so I would know if I could drink or not at my best friend's wedding. After I waited the 3 minutes I squinted and STOP IT there was a faint line!!! I was cautiously hopeful because let's be real...I've had a false positive two other times. My biggest reservation was that I had had the HCG shot 12 days before that and I knew it could still be lingering in my system. The next day I had my blood drawn and the results were POSITIVE!!! My HCG levels were at 20 which was normal for someone who was only 3 weeks pregnant. Over the course of the weekend I took a pregnancy test every day to see if the line was darkening (good) or lightening (bad). At first I was off to a good start. Then on Saturday the line was lighter. A horrible idea to take the test the day of my bff's wedding, I know. And again on Sunday...light. I was crushed. I knew not to get my hopes up but I couldn't help myself.
On Monday I went in for another blood draw and the results were what I had feared...another early miscarriage. My HCG levels had dropped to 14 and to say I was devastated is an understatement. I sobbed the rest of the day. Why was this happening for a third time?! It seemed so unfair. I was worried this would send me into another bout of depression but by God's grace I woke up the next day feeling ok.
Matt and I decided to pray and find some Bible verses that would encourage us the next morning. There were SO many good ones but here are a few of my faves:
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Psalms 27: 13-14 I remain confident in this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in this life. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Proverbs 3: 5-7 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your won understanding, in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes.
So that was all of the bad news but here's the good news...our health insurance called us a couple of hours after we had spent time in the Word and told us we were almost 100% covered for IVF! Hold up, WHAT?! I got the call in the driveway while pulling into the garage and I started sobbing for the second time in 48 hours. However, this time it was tears of joy. How could God be so good?! He knew I needed some grace. He knew I was desperate for a sign to show that he was still near. I just can't get over his perfect timing. Now, it's still going to cost us some money but $3,000 is a lot more reasonable than $20,000! This was a huge answer to prayer and I am so so grateful for Matt's new job.
I know this was all part of God's plan for us and I see that now looking back at the timing of all of this. Needless to say Matt will be staying with this current company till we're done having kids. ;) There are a lot of details to iron out with the insurance but as far as we know we are covered for 4 tries of IVF. Um, yeah I'll take that. Now let's just pray we don't need any more tries than that! Actually I'm not even going to worry about it. God has taken care of us thus far and I know he will continue to be faithful.
Here's where we are now...I'm doing one more round of Letrozole along with an HCG shot this month because we have an appointment with another clinic to get an IVF quote on Thursday and we want to hear from them before we choose where to do IVF. You can be praying that God makes our choice clear and gives us wisdom. They are also running a TON of miscarriage blood tests on me as well as starting all the blood work I need done for IVF. Along with that I am getting tested for genetic problems such as cystic fibrosis and gene translocation. Basically if I have a gene for a genetic abnormality they will then check M to make sure he doesn't have the same problem. And in the small chance that we do then they will test our embryos to make sure they are 100% healthy. So. Much. Science. I'm learning WAY more about baby making than I ever had imagined. I just hope to help others with the same problem one day!