(In)Fertility Friday

Medical
I mentioned earlier this week that my cysts went away on their own! Hallelujah! This cycle the doctor wants to see what my body does on its own, without Clomid. So next week she is doing another ultra sound to see if my lining and eggs look good. If they don't then we are back to Clomid. Sorry, nothing is tmi over here. We may or may not do a "natural" IUI this month (which just means no Clomid) but I will still be taking progesterone the last two weeks of my cycle. And that's where we are at!

A sweet girl that I went to college with emailed me this week and was full of encouragement. She is in the same situation as me but has found that there are some true blessings in having kids farther apart. The blessings that she pointed out gave me peace since I have no other option at this point. I hope that I can be in a place of contentment like she is. She said, "Truthfully it took hitting rock bottom to force me out of the pity and ask myself: if these are the cards I'm dealt, can I still be happy? And the Lord has put a resounding YES on my heart. Slowly but surely, I am embracing that if we do only have one child my life can be complete. Facing that tough question has made life way better. But how I hope that is not the case! My husband always reminds me that the 'wrestling' with God is what grows us." 

Man. I hope that I am there someday. Truth be told I am not okay at all with no more kids. And I don't even see that in the near future for me. I feel like it is natural to desire children and they are a blessing. I often pray to God, "Please take this desire to have children away from me if it is not what you have planned for us because I can't imagine living with such a passion in my heart and not having it fulfilled." He has not taken that desire from me which encourages me to keep trying and fighting for our family. I'm rambling. All this to say that I hope my friend doesn't mind what I have shared. I do it in hopes to encourage others in this situation!

{Blessings of having kids far apart}

1. Preschool! I felt so blessed to fully devote my time to preparing her for the big transition and embracing every little part of the back-to-school mode. As a former teacher, her starting preschool has been so much fun. Because I don't have a baby at home, I have been able to say "yes" to everything-from volunteering, to play dates, to Moms Night Outs, helping with events,etc. And having a few hours to myself twice a week has allowed me to do so many things I have put off these last few years- getting our house organized, exercising, meeting friends for coffee, going to Target alone hahaha. It is a very different life than when she was home with me all day. While I wish I had a little newborn at home with me, I am fully embracing this time God has given me.

2. I have learned that God is not only preparing my husband and I to have another baby, but He is also preparing our daughter. My daughter is so much more independent and I can completely envision a little sister or brother in her life in the future. She can fully get dressed, make a snack, play for hours independently. Three has been an easy age- few meltdowns and so much verbal communication. It will be so wonderful to have a big helper with maturity when the time comes. I know when God blesses us with a baby it will be the perfect timing for her too- my "plan" would have been different, but the Lord's is perfect.

3. Friendship- I feel that my daughter has been so blessed in the way of friendship by being an only child right now. She loves her friends so, so much and I think a big reason is because she doesn't have a little playmate at home at the moment. She cherishes her friendships so much, making them cards, giving them her toys because hey, she doesn't have to play with mom for once! haha

4. The one-on-one time- we still have that treasured one-on-one time. I can still take her to dance class, events, or anything since I'm not scheduling around another baby's nap schedule or nursing. In addition, it has been so much fun to do real teaching stuff with her- reading instructions, little Bible studies, etc.

5. Lastly, I want to encourage you if the age gap is much farther apart than you anticipated. My brother and I are 5 years apart, and close as ever. We never fought growing up, never experienced sibling rivalry or competition, and we are great friends now as adults. I always cherished him because I wanted a sibling so much as a little girl! He was and always is my pal to protect. I think our daughters will be the same way. :)

My brother and me...four years apart :) I can just seen Blair doing all these same things! Thumb sucking and all!

I hope those of you who are in a similar situation are encouraged by this. It sure brightened my day! Cheers to the weekend!