Since I was MIA on Friday, due to a late night at Disneyland the night before, I thought I would catch you up on (In)Fertility Friday. :) Lucky you!
I had a doctor's appointment a couple weeks ago and left super frustrated. My hormone doctor and fertility doctor don't see eye to eye on how to treat me which means I have to make some tough decisions. The hormone doctor told me this would happen but I didn't realize how hard it would be on me. For now I have an HSG scheduled for Thursday. This is where they flush out my fallopian tubes with dye to make sure they aren't blocked. Chances are they are open because I've been pregnant before but we just want to check it off the list of possibilities. I've had a few people tell me that they got pregnant right after this procedure since it kind of cleans everything out. I'm intrigued by this but not holding my breath.
I still go through emotional cycles each month. The beginning always starts out hopeful. Then as the month goes on I begin to doubt and by the end when my cycle arrives I'm pissed. Now just hit repeat and you've got a good idea how the last year and a half has been. Although I will say that the intensity of my emotions has lessened. I don't cry every month and hey that's progress!
I heard the best sermon recently on being single. Clearly, I'm not single but the big picture of the sermon completely related to what we're going through with infertility. Here's what stuck out to me in my notes:
1. Know Your Purpose
- Being infertile is not who I am. I am not created to be a mother. I am created for Christ and my purpose is to glorify God in whatever season I'm in. (Insert huge pill to swallow here).
2. Embrace Your Season
- Remain in the situation that God has called you into. Don't run from it. Learn from it. What is God teaching me during this season? What does God want to accomplish through me during this season?
3.Embrace the Tension
- Embrace the tension between your desires and God's desires. Say to God, "I trust you and I will embrace this season but at the same time I have this huge desire to be a mom. God, you gave me this desire to be a mom and I pray that you fulfill it."
Prayers are appreciated for my appointment on Thursday. I hear it can be pretty painful. :/