Medical
Went on vacation last weekend and forgot my progesterone so my cycle started 4 days early which is fine by me because it lessens the time in between when we can try again. Not much to report...ovulating right about now so there's that.
Emotional
For some reason this last week was rough on me. I just spent a lot of time being angry. Like, really angry. I feel like I go through the grieving process each month. First I'm in denial, "Maybe the test was wrong and I am pregnant?" Then I move on to anger, "I will never trust God again!", followed by bargaining, "God, if you allow me to get pregnant then I'll never ask for anything again!", then depression, "My life is so lame and totally sucks right now." The final step of grieving is acceptance. I pretend that I'm there sometimes by saying things like, "Whatever happens, happens. I can be fulfilled as long as I have Christ." But I'm only kidding myself. I know that I'm not at a place of acceptance yet.
Spiritual
With the anger came some very ugly words to God this week. I told Him that I was going to stop worshiping Him because I wanted Him to hurt the way I was hurting. I said that I was going to stop praying because He clearly doesn't listen anyway. I told Him I didn't trust Him and that He wasn't being faithful. I also mentioned that I was done serving Him at my church and Bible study because why should I serve a God who has abandoned me?
The thing is I know that none of that is true in my head but I get so mad and frustrated that I want to lash out and hurt God. I know that God is faithful, great, and glorious. I know that His tests are opportunities to grow in my faith and see how faithful He is. The hard part is that time is stretching out for me and God isn't moving me on from this spot. I'm struggling to keep my heart undivided and my loyalty to Him secure. The hardest trials are surely those that make you wait. For now I'm really really trying to be patient, peaceful, and confident that His plan is best for me.
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With that said and done our elf, Noel, made her debut this week (only a couple days late)! While Blair really wanted to name her "Elf," "Tiana," or "Cinderella" we suggested some other options that were a little more original. She agreed to Noel and the rest is history. We decided to do Elf on the Shelf "Jesus Style" and I'm really loving it! The girl who came up with it has an awesome "letter from Santa" highlighting the real reason for Christmas. So far Blair has learned about Biblical generosity, honesty, and tomorrow is kindness (we're a day behind). Each day there is scripture that backs up the lesson along with an activity.
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| Day One: Generosity...Noel is sharing her raisins with the princesses. Blair picked out a toy at Costco to give to a child in need this Christmas. |
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| Day Two: Honesty... The elf was found this morning next to a broken crayon. She was honest though and told the truth that she broke it! We made Blair a belt of truth to remind her to be honest for the activity. She wore it all for a hot 30 seconds. |
PS Don't forget to enter the Autumn Designs and Co. giveaway for our new etsy shop!
Posts
I like that your elf isn't mischievous. While we aren't super religious I prefer the idea that the elf promotes good behavior instead of just reporting on bad behavior.
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