(In)Fertility Fridays + a nursery

Friday, August 29, 2014

We went in to get blood drawn at Kaiser this week to prove to our new doctor that we don't have any STD's. That way when it's insemination time (IUI) we will be ready to go! Still haven't determined how many rounds of IUI we will do before loading up the big guns (IVF).

We also had to pee in some cups for STD testing and when M came out of the restroom B loudly asked him if he went poo poo. The very full waiting room turned all their attention to M, who humbly replied, "Nope. Just pee pee this time." Ha ha nothing is sacred!

Not too emo over here lately. Honestly, just looking forward to the new doctor and new treatment plan. Is it possible that I might actually be accepting this road that we've been asked to travel on? Maybe?! After last week's insurance debacle I have my fists up and am ready for the next hurdle. "Nobody gonna hold me down. No oh, I've got to keep on mooooovin!" ;)

A few words that encouraged me on Sunday, "God's plan is flawless and we are called to be obedient and have faith. Many people have faith in their own plans, but it should be in God's plan. Our Savior is always more powerful than the storm. There is no better place to be than in a storm because Jesus called you there. Nothing will be impossible as long as it is God's will. God will strengthen your faith if you trust in Him." -Pastor Daniel Bishop

And from my devotional, "I will go to Him in my helplessness, I will tell Him that I am still His child, and finding confidence in His faithful heart, even I, the barren one, will sing and cry aloud. Sing, believer, for it will cheer your own heart and the hearts of other who are desolate. The experience of our barrenness is painful, but the Lord's visits are delightful. A sense of our own poverty drives us to Christ, and that is where we need to be, for in Him our fruit is found." -Charles Spurgeon


We are still waiting for my nephew to arrive! Poor sis-in-law was due last Saturday :/. Blair is itching to get her little mitts on that baby boy! Hoping to share pictures of him soon! In the mean time check out his darling vintage travel themed nursery! (all monograms and names have been covered for the element of surprise post birth!)*

How cute is his little room? This is going to be one abundantly loved baby, let me tell you! Come out come out wherever you are! ;)
* Hudson was born Friday, August 29th at 12:55 pm. Mama and baby are well! 

Daddy's Twin, Mama's Girl

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Yesterday B and I enjoyed another morning at the library. Afterwards we got to have lunch with M and Gramma at a sandwich shop downtown. Later that night we had sushi for dinner and then I met up with a friend for coffee. Fat girrrrrrrrl!

we need to work on improving her "hiding spots"
And while she sure is Matt's twin man is Blair a Mama's girl lately. All we hear lately is, "No, Daddy. Mommy ________." Fill in the blank. Mommy kiss me. Mommy read to me. Mommy hold me. And the requests go on and on. Poor Matt. But you know what they say, you can't have it all. So while she is his mirror image she's stuck on me like glue. And I kinda like it. :)

Girls Day

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Yesterday we had a girls day with my Mom, Tiff, and B. We headed out to HomeGoods, World Market, and Chick-fil-A per Blair's my request. I will always love their grilled sandwich and waffle fries! That and the fact that they have Peppa Pig board books right now makes it a double win. I picked up a couple items and my Mom also treated me to some items as well!

a jute rug

a spoon rest

another toy basket...

and the CUTEST most fall-ish cake stand ever!

 After dinner every night we've been hanging out in the front yard while Daddy either paints or does yard work. B and I check out bugs that Daddy shows us along with walking dirty well-loved baby up and down the street with her beat well-loved stroller. Hey, she's still smiling so I'm not rushing out to replace them.

if I crop baby out of this then it could be a decent shot!
Let me rewind a bit. My Mom has bought Blair a new baby and when forced to choose between the two she always chooses dirty baby. Dirty baby or bust is her mantra. You think I can throw that thing in the wash? Not sorry if it never comes out... ;) Funny how I said pre-children that I would never let my kids haul around gross things and here we are with a disgusting blankie and a dirty baby. Jokes on me.

Stop Trying to Make Fall Happen

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Fall is on the edge of its seat as it waits for Labor day to be over. And let me tell you I am DONE with summer. I see all these posts about wistfully hanging on to the last few days of summer. Those people must not live where it's 100+ degrees. all. the. time. Bring on the closed toed shoes and scarves! In fact I'm trying so hard to make fall happen I even tried to coax it out with my chalkboard...

instagram prints via "printstagram"

Regardless of whether or not fall is here, there have been some sweet sales going on for all things back to school fall since no one over here is in school yet. ;) These are some of my fave finds that Blair will be rocking...

And if I had a boy...
Get out of here, Summer, so I can have another pumpkin spice latte and not sweat at the same time.

Lazy Weekend

Monday, August 25, 2014

This weekend was literally filled with a whole lotta nothing for us, which was great! M and B helped paint some of our trim that had gotten pretty faded by the sun. They knocked out four of our columns and two downstairs windows. Next weekend we tackle upstairs! Or rather M tackles that.

Honestly other than that we just hung around, did laundry, and went to church. M actually went on a 26 mile hike on Sunday but B and I opted out of that one. ;)

so helpful!

the paint dried a nice shade of dark grey and looks great!

We did meet with our new doctor on Friday and so far so good. We will start treatment there in a couple of weeks or so. She didn't tell us too much that we didn't already know. She's going to run some more tests on M and that will determine whether or not we stick with IUI for a few more rounds or put IVF on the calendar sooner rather than later. The doctor seemed really optimistic that we will be able to have another baby...might just cost us a pretty penny. ;)

(In)Fertility Fridays and Favorites

Friday, August 22, 2014

Since I pretty much laid this week out already here I'll keep this post short. 

Nothing but trying the good old fashioned way over here this week. TMI? I've taken all my meds thus far and am beyond grateful for a friend who mentioned to me that she has extra progesterone. She dropped them off yesterday and now I have exactly the amount I need to make it to my next pregnancy test. Such a God thing! She is currently prego with twins from IUI. :) Us infertile ones gotta stick together! Today we meet with our new doctor. 

You caught me on a good day. ;) I'm sure part of it has to do with the surprise meds that were dropped off here this morning.I'm still marveling over that miracle. I'm optimistic about meeting with our new doctor after chatting with another friend (who is prego with twins!) who had a successful round of IVF at the clinic I'm going to. We hung out on the playground this week and she was so encouraging. I'm feeling blessed to have these women in my life. Since my friend dropped off the meds at 7:45 this morning I was up before B and had some solid alone time with my coffee and my Bible. It was glorious! After my pastor recommended that I start reading through Psalms I found a lot of comfort in seeing that David felt the same way I have been feeling lately. Chapter 6 and 13 were my faves.
Friday Favorites

my new succulents (and this girl obvi)

happy flowers from thoughtful friends

a beautiful sky after some much needed rain

crafting for an upcoming bachelorette party

finding this juice box that came with a meal i bought for blair. then downing the whole thing in the corner where she couldn't see me. nothing like stealing from a baby. ;)
buying these babies on sale yesterday for spring
then adding these to my cart to get the free shipping. :)
Did you get any moccs yesterday? I'm obsessing over ours (always). We are home this weekend and I couldn't be happier. Time to get some projects done around the house, M! Also, we're on baby watch since my sis-in-law is due tomorrow! Yippee!

Pizza, Panties, and Polish

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Last week Blair and I headed over to a friends house for a "girls night." We ordered pizza, did our nails, and potty trained the poop heck out of our girls. It was a little wild with three littles running around fighting over the potty while we attempted Jamberry nails but we eventually did have success! 

potty princesses

charlotte, blair, and andelyn

the picture charlotte took of us...insert crying laughing face here

mommy and mini matching pedi!
Have you ever used Jamberry? We have been loving ours so far but fair warning...applying them to a two year old's feet is not for the faint of heart. ;)

Make-Up Products

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Thanks for all the sweet comments yesterday. M and I are attempting this cycle the old fashioned way without IUI but with all my previous medication. We meet with the new doctor on Friday and are feeling optimistic about that. Now if I may distract myself you with some make up fun...

A few of you have asked about my make-up routine. Truth be told most days it consists of either none or very minimal.

However last weekend I had the opportunity to get "all dolled up" for a wedding and felt pretty good about myself! :) Below are the items that I used. Sorry I'm not brave enough to do a real tutorial with pictures etc. Trust me when I say there are no special techniques I use to apply anything. :)

For my low maintenance days I stick with mascara, brow powder, and lip balm. For fancier days I pull out all the stops with what you see above. Oh, and if anyone has an amazing solution to my awesome 30 year old crows feet wrinkles I would be stoked to hear about it. :) Have a great Wednesday!


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

And the winner of the Sea Cove Stitch hair pretty is...
Congrats! An email has been sent to the owner of the shop and she will contact you shortly. :)
The news I received yesterday at the doctor is still sinking in. It was one of the worst days I've had so far on this infertility journey and I couldn't wait for "Fertility Friday" to share. Basically this whole time my provider thought that I was still covered under my old job as a teacher. Apparently my old employer never canceled my benefits, so this whole time we were covered and I'm not sure if we were supposed to be.

Enter yesterday.

When I walked in to check in for my appointment they told me I was no longer covered and that I could not receive any more treatment. They do not allow for patients to pay out of pocket and M's benefits just plain don't cover infertility. I even begged them to pay for the rest of the treatments out of pocket to no avail. I walked out of there sobbing, thinking this entire month is blown for us without IUI. It was really really pathetic and I just didn't care that I sobbed hysterically all the way to my car and then the entire 30 minute drive home.

I have no idea why the benefits lasted as long as they did, but having them come to an end was a bitter pill to swallow.  I could not believe that they would just cancel my treatment for this month cold turkey without trying to work with me at all. Especially when I've already taken 2/3 of the medicine!

And call me crazy but since I already have the HCG shot to release my eggs, I'm still gonna give it to myself since I know how and can base the timing of it off last month's cycle. Lo and behold I also have a bit of progesterone to get me through to my next appointment with the private doctor. Just a little self medicating over here based on the treatment schedules they gave me before slamming the door in my face. But I've got the meds and I'm not letting them go to waste!

M was a complete rockstar yesterday. As soon as I called him he went into "fix it" mode whereas I went into "melt down" mode. He started the process of us getting our medical records so we can take them to the new doctor. He also called the new doctor's office and got us a consultation appointment for next Monday. Too late for this cycle BUT he also asked if there was any way possible we could still do IUI without the consult and they said maybe. So we are off to a new doctor tomorrow. And paying out of pocket (for reals) begins now.

I already mentioned that I was completely devastated yesterday. To think you are going to the doctor to hear you have eggs and are ready for insemination and then to be told, "Sorry. You're screwed this cycle. Try again somewhere else next month" was just heartbreaking. I'm already hopped up on hormones...how did they think I was going to respond to that?!

I cried. A lot. But in the midst of my disappointment and tears on the way home I repeated (out loud like a crazy lady) "God, I trust you. You knew this would happen all along. You are in control. I am not." Part of me is wondering if God is going to allow us to get pregnant this month despite not having any procedures done. That would be a miracle. And I could 100% say He was behind it all. It is VERY unlikely that we ever get prego again without medical help and/or a miracle.

But even if we don't get prego this cycle God is still God. He is still good. He still has a plan that's perfect for us because it will ultimately glorify Him. And at the end of the day I know that is why I am here and what I desire to do...to glorify Him no matter my circumstances. To praise Him when things are good AND bad. And it's so hard to do. My earthly flesh desires a baby more than God sometimes and I know I'm being stretched to say with certainty that God is enough. If my worst nightmare were to come true would I still worship and serve Christ? I would. It would be difficult but I would. A wise pastor told me Sunday night, "It's how we act and respond in the bad times that proves our character and reveals what we believe about God and His love for us." I believe God loves me whether He rescues us from this or not.

I'm slowly but surely relinquishing my control over to Him. It's exhausting for me to try and control everything and I'm at the point where I want to throw my hands up and say, "I quit!" Which is good, I guess. I quit trying to make my own plans. I quit trying to fix everything myself. I quit trying to find my happiness/purpose in having more kids. I quit. But He doesn't. His love endures forever. And for that I'm thankful.

Here's the best part of my day yesterday...

Weekend Wedding

Monday, August 18, 2014

Finally a weekend where we were home for the most part. Other than a wedding on Saturday night in San Diego we stuck around here. We carpooled down to the wedding with a couple we are good friends with. The guy also happens to be our close high school friend and current pastor of the church we attend. Funny how that happens. I still know him as the same goofy kid I went to middle school with.

Needless to say they had some solid encouragement for us me. M is pretty stable. I'm the blubbering idiot. Would you be surprised if I told you I cried on the way to the wedding (and back home!). Probably not. Our poor friends were stuck in the same car with me for a total of 3 hours. AND to top it off I accidentally dropped a spicy, messy shrimp cocktail all over her dress at the cocktail hour. Seriously? Worst. Friend. Ever. She later told me, "Good thing I like you more than this dress." ;) Of course she was so sweet about it. I was mortified.

I can't remember the last time I did my hair and makeup so I had M document it. :)
earrings: stella and dot, dress: forever 21, belt: target, shoes: steve madden, purse: CAbi
 The bride was a childhood friend of Matt's, and I went to middle school and high school with her. We also coached a local swim team in town. She was a beautiful bride and we're so happy for them!

the newlyweds
Oh and you better believe this 30 year old mama took off her heels and belt faster than you can say "I do" when we got back in the car. I honestly wonder how I ever wore things like that in college for like 5 straight hours. Killer. Hope you guys had a great weekend and have a good Monday!