Guys! I stumbled upon the cutest shirts ever from the Etsy shop called, "What the Hipster Baby." The owner kindly sent me and Blair matching tees that say, Target, Starbucks, Disneyland, Repeat. Since that pretty much sums of life lately I was so excited to wear them! All she needed to them was "infertility." Ha ha jk. ;)

When I wore them at Disneyland I got stopped several times to ask where they were from or just to be told, "OMG those shirts are so cute!" It was fun and I can't wait to wear them again! Even the Disneyland employees were getting a kick out of them.

And just for fun some out takes. Not sure what this pose is here? She even had her own cup but hid it behind her back for the other pictures. I also removed my necklace because it made the shirt hard to read.

Clearly she is thrilled to be doing this. Enter spilled drink here. Good thing it was empty. ;)

Blair hair pretty: Little Elle Boutique
Blair pants: Gap
Blair shoes: freshly picked moccs

My pants: Cabi
My shoes: Target
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Medical
I don't have much to report on infertility other than I had my two hour blood glucose/insulin test on Tuesday. I actually don't even hate the drink they give you. Is that a warning? In other news I go in early next week to take a blood pregnancy test and if it comes back negative then I believe I start a beta cycle of IVF (I'm not even sure what that means yet). I think the first medication I'll be on is Lupron.

Lupron is often prescribed for endometriosis because it dramatically lowers estrogen levels by regulating the body's production of follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) and luteinizing hormone (LH). The uterine lining is highly dependent upon estrogen for growth.

In IVF treatment, when a patient is on the "luteal Lupron" protocol she usually starts Lupron seven days prior to her next menstrual cycle. Dosages are adjusted based upon each patient's individual response. This link describes what I'll be going through.

Emotional
This girl is ready for IVF! Excited to move forward and do it but I can't help being a bit anxious because "what if it doesn't work." Even just this past week though I have heard of SO many success stories with IVF.

Spiritual
I've been studying Revelation this year and this book directly encourages God's people in their present suffering, highlighting their eternal destiny and ultimate victory. This stabilizing truth about the future helps Christians to navigate the hardships of this life with unwavering hope. God calls us to the adventure of trusting and obeying him, fulfilling his great purpose in the world. God's people often do not have easy lives, but they pursue his eternal purpose by faith in Jesus who loves them. They live with the certainty that their lives are meaningful because their future inheritance is glorious, eternal, and secure. The people of God face a bright future. 

And I am STILL trying to be content in glorifying his kingdom forever even if it means never growing our family. I think I'm realizing that is something all believers work on throughout their whole life. Glorifying Jesus, when our circumstances make it really hard to. I know God is good and that he knows what is best for me, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11. And that's what I'm clinging to!

Over the weekend I helped a friend set up flowers for a wedding she had booked. She's my partner in crime when it comes to all things regarding party themes, decor, cooking, and diy. The girl's got skills! I tagged along to help load/unload her masterpieces and style the tables/dessert table. The bride wanted to use all fall colors and it turned out beautifully. Take a peek!

All flowers by Lynnea Ruiz. 

How was everyone's Halloween?! We had a great weekend filled with costumes, candy, and sugar comas. M and I learned the hard way that toddlers apparently can't walk more than one block to trick-or-treat. B and her friends were all whining about how much their feet hurt while getting free candy. I'm like come on! Suck it up! You're getting free candy...what are you complaining about?! And more importantly...you can't give up now! I need your candy bag to last me till at least Thanksgiving...
;)

Am I right?

On Friday we attended a costume party without Blair (thanks Gramma!) and had a great time with our friends. Blair asked if we were going to bob for apples there. Not this time, B. :)

 And a few of my favorite costumes...

Girls night in.

Joanna and Chip Gaines

A hunter and a deer

Dr Seuss and thing 1 (and 2!)

Captain America and Wonderwoman

Saturday night we stayed in our 'hood and went trick-or-treating with a few friends. We had chili (even though it was 90 degrees that day) and had a bonfire on the driveway while passing out candy. It was fun and quite entertaining.

How was your weekend? Are you in a candy coma too? I just love fall and all the holidays that come with it! Oh, and how about that time change! Are all you mamas with littles loving it?! Ha...said no mom ever...

Man, what a crazy week. I feel like I drove all over Southern California for my doctor's appointments and to frantically pick up my medication. My blood pressure was through the roof yesterday after arriving 25 minutes late (thank you so-cal freeways) to my appointment I've waited two months for. This can't be good for baby making!

Speaking of appointments, we had ours with the new clinic. I was hoping that it would be obvious to as which clinic we should go with but it wasn't. The new place is very impressive and known nation wide. But until we confirm the total cost as compared to the other place we can't really make a decision yet. And of course the type A in me just wants to know NOW and move forward!

The new place did remind me that because of my insulin resistance I am to be eating NO carbs from breads OR fruit like bananas. Insert crying face here. Obviously this also means no refined sugars...a.k.a. dessert. For a while I was told that since I'm not overweight this wasn't a huge deal. Now I'm back to square one again where eating is absolutely no fun. AND I'm supposed to eat crazy clean through my whole pregnancy!!! Luckily Matt is on board with eating clean too which helps a ton. And really if I'm pregnant I'm pretty sure I will be so happy that I'll forget all about brownies. Maybe...

Medical
I had an ultrasound at the new clinic and it did not appear that my egg was mature enough yet for my planned HCG shot tomorrow. I have another ultrasound today with the old clinic to check it. I have a feeling I will be giving myself the shot on Saturday or Sunday instead. I did that on purpose so I could be extra scary on Halloween and give myself a shot in front of all the trick-or-treaters. Muahahahhaa. ;)

Emotional
I'm feeling good. The success rate at the new clinic is so awesome so I'm encouraged by that. I'm definitely anxious about all that IVF entails with being put under anesthesia, daily shots, bed rest etc. but I know it will all be worth it in the end. IVF is a huge deal and incredibly hard on the body and I think I don't know the half of it. And I know most people are completely clueless about the process. I hope to give others a real insight to what it all entails. Oh, and the likelihood of me having twins is really high so there's that...

Spiritual
I enjoyed the notes from my Bible study this week, " When Jesus reprimands us, He changes us. He may choose to use difficult circumstances, but He never causes needless pain. He redeemed us, and He graciously empowers us to live a new kind of life for His glory. God always preserves His people. He designs and controls all of our circumstances. No matter how hostile the environment, the Lord enables us to remain faithful as we look to Him. Jesus never simply watches from afar. He orders and enters into the battles His people face. He strengthens with His Word. The ideas and stresses you face do not surprise Him. God's work in your life will shine forth to bring Him glory." 

I like the part that says He never causes needless pain. That reminds me that He is in complete control of my situation and knows what I need and can handle. He knows that our infertility is painful but He also knows that it's drawing me nearer to Him and how necessary that is for my growth as a believer. It's hard to imagine now but I know one day I will be truly thankful for this season of my life and the beauty that came out of it.

I hope you all have fun trick-or-treating this weekend! We had some Halloween fun at Disneyland with a friend yesterday.

Gah! They are so precious it just melts my heart!

     The last couple of days I enjoyed some sweet, sweet time away from home with just M. Our thoughtful friends in our small group gifted us a night away along with dinner/breakfast at the Mission Inn Hotel. We (finally!) got around to using our gift this week and we SO enjoyed it! I love the Mission Inn and we had such a relaxing time just the two of us. We walked to the Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner...it's not fancy but it's SO yummy! Afterwards we cruised around the shops downtown, grabbed cupcakes, and ate them in a pretty courtyard at the hotel. One of the nicest things was not having to do the bedtime routine or the wake up routine with Blair. Sometimes you just  need a break! (Thanks Gramma and Grampa!).

Our view

Banana pancakes in bed..what a treat!

The next day I roped Matt into checking out an antique shop. He whined the whole way there and then guess who found something he liked in the store?! Yeah you know who. He picked up a cool vintage kitchen scale that I'll have to share on here later. It's very Magnolia Farm! ;) See, M, shopping can be fun!

It sure feels good to be home for an entire weekend! M was seriously productive with some yard work around the house and I caught up on some chores. I was able to take a break from laundry and take Blair to a local shopping center where we went trick-or-treating with some friends.

This year she had an opinion about what she wanted to wear for Halloween and there was no denying her. While I'm more of a fan of DIY costumes she opted for Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Sigh. I knew this day would come! Either way she sure did look cute in her costume!

Later that night she asked to go to fro-yo. We couldn't deny her.

This week I plan on taking her to Disneyland and letting her wear her Belle dress. I'm pretty sure she's gonna flip her lid. ;) What are you and your kiddos planning on being for Halloween? This is the first year we're not dressing up as a family. :(

     Last week I got the worst and best news.

     I decided to take a pregnancy test early in the week so I would know if I could drink or not at my best friend's wedding. After I waited the 3 minutes I squinted and STOP IT there was a faint line!!! I was cautiously hopeful because let's be real...I've had a false positive two other times. My biggest reservation was that I had had the HCG shot 12 days before that and I knew it could still be lingering in my system. The next day I had my blood drawn and the results were POSITIVE!!! My HCG levels were at 20 which was normal for someone who was only 3 weeks pregnant. Over the course of the weekend I took a pregnancy test every day to see if the line was darkening (good) or lightening (bad). At first I was off to a good start. Then on Saturday the line was lighter. A horrible idea to take the test the day of my bff's wedding, I know. And again on Sunday...light. I was crushed. I knew not to get my hopes up but I couldn't help myself.

     On Monday I went in for another blood draw and the results were what I had feared...another early miscarriage. My HCG levels had dropped to 14 and to say I was devastated is an understatement. I sobbed the rest of the day. Why was this happening for a third time?! It seemed so unfair. I was worried this would send me into another bout of depression but by God's grace I woke up the next day feeling ok.

     Matt and I decided to pray and find some Bible verses that would encourage us the next morning. There were SO many good ones but here are a few of my faves:

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

Psalms 27: 13-14 I remain confident in this,  I will see the goodness of the Lord in this life. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. 

Proverbs 3: 5-7 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your won understanding, in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes.

     So that was all of the bad news but here's the good news...our health insurance called us a couple of hours after we had spent time in the Word and told us we were almost 100% covered for IVF! Hold up, WHAT?! I got the call in the driveway while pulling into the garage and I started sobbing for the second time in 48 hours. However, this time it was tears of joy. How could God be so good?! He knew I needed some grace. He knew I was desperate for a sign to show that he was still near. I just can't get over his perfect timing. Now, it's still going to cost us some money but $3,000 is a lot more reasonable than $20,000! This was a huge answer to prayer and I am so so grateful for Matt's new job.

     I know this was all part of God's plan for us and I see that now looking back at the timing of all of this. Needless to say Matt will be staying with this current company till we're done having kids. ;) There are a lot of details to iron out with the insurance but as far as we know we are covered for 4 tries of IVF. Um, yeah I'll take that. Now let's just pray we don't need any more tries than that! Actually I'm not even going to worry about it. God has taken care of us thus far and I know he will continue to be faithful.

     Here's where we are now...I'm doing one more round of Letrozole along with an HCG shot this month because we have an appointment with another clinic to get an IVF quote on Thursday and we want to hear from them before we choose where to do IVF. You can be praying that God makes our choice clear and gives us wisdom. They are also running a TON of miscarriage blood tests on me as well as starting all the blood work I need done for IVF. Along with that I am getting tested for genetic problems such as cystic fibrosis and gene translocation. Basically if I have a gene for a genetic abnormality they will then check M to make sure he doesn't have the same problem. And in the small chance that we do then they will test our embryos to make sure they are 100% healthy. So. Much. Science. I'm learning WAY more about baby making than I ever had imagined. I just hope to help others with the same problem one day!