I know I titled yesterday's blog post as "home sweet home" but in reality it was more like "home difficult home." The first night was ROUGH to say the least. We put Blair in a co-sleeper next to our bed and I did not sleep AT ALL. It was so hard for me to tune any of her noises out. I'm sure the fear of her being away from the NICU for the first time combined with the stress of being a new mommy kept me awake. I got up every three hours to nurse her and tried to do it myself without Matt's help because I knew the poor guy had work in the morning but eventually I cracked and needed help. At her 3:30 am feeding she was so upset and I couldn't console her so Matt suggested that I switch breasts. Lo and behold that was what she wanted. It's just like solving a puzzle and figuring out what works, which is hard when you have never done it before. We were totally exhausted and I found myself crying to my mom this morning saying, "I don't think I can do this." Apparently I'm not the first mom to utter these words...

Of course there have been many blessings in the first 24 hours though. My mom had a friend come over who is a lactation consultant and she recommended that I use the nipple shield that I bought. Since Blair has been so used to bottle feeding at the NICU the shield is shaped like a bottle but is put over my breast so that she can access my milk better. Oh, the things you learn! This has been a LIFE SAVER. I would give the person who invented this a million dollars. Since then, feedings have gotten progressively better. I was only getting her to feed for ten minutes but today she was nursing for a half an hour...huge progress! 

I would be remiss if I didn't mention how incredibly selfless the "grandmas" have been throughout this. My mom ran hours of errands for me (buying groceries, more nipple shields etc.) and stayed with me throughout the day watching Blair while I napped and even mopping the kitchen floor! Matt's mom has been equally amazing by spending her entire day here and helping get our old house cleaned up so we can start looking for renters.While they watched Blair I slept as best as I could.

We have also had some delicious meals dropped off at our house as well as sweet cards that have come in the mail. Friends and family have been our right arm. Last night Matt and I prayed for Blair and our first night at home and while it was difficult it could have been a lot worse. Please pray for a good night's rest tonight and that we are able to tune out Blair's little noises. Pray for my emotions ( I am totally hormonal) and that God gives me strength, perseverance and trust in Him to help us through this.

i had to put a headband on her :)

matt's mom: angel #1

my mom: angel # 2

matt's parents with their first grandchild

It makes me laugh now that I ever said I wanted three kids... ;)

We're home, Blair is nursing, all is well. We're also very tired.. More updates tomorrow. Thank you for your prayers.

Chug, chug, chug! Is it bad that a common college cheer has become my chant for my newborn? But that's exactly what we want her to do...chug down those bottles in less than 30 minutes. Today she did SO well! She has taken three bottles in a row and finished them all in less than 15 minutes. I think the light has turned on for miss B and she is getting the suck and swallow rhythm down. She is so funny though. She wakes up and is so alert and happy in her cradle and when I show her the bottle she sits and ponders it for a while before opening up. She keeps her little lips pursed (and looks JUST like her daddy) and her eyes look around and then when she's ready she opens wide. I'm afraid that everything she does is "just precious" to me!

M looks good surrounded by all that pink!

One thing that wasn't so precious to me was changing B's diaper today. While I was wiping her she pooped! She almost hit the footboard of her cradle even! She totally nailed me on the hand and soiled her blankets. I thought about my changing table at home and made note not to have anything too "white" in the danger zone... (M still has yet to change her diaper. I am not ok with this...)

This evening we had such a good time with our sweet girl. She was all smiles after her bottle feeding. Below she looks like she's in a milk-coma to me. :)

full belly + mama = happy baby

The nurse guessed that she would be going home sometime this weekend. I am counting down the minutes! I just can't wait to hold Blair without having to worry about tangling her wires or having her respiratory rate in front of me on the computer screen. I'm ready to be a "real" mama! 

i LOVE that B has been wearing some of her clothes! presh!

Blessings

-Enjoying a yummy Mexican dinner from my friend Marie and getting to chat with her.
-getting totally spoiled by my best friend Carrie. She brought me a "mommy" gift full of awesome products. Shampoo, nail polish, make up, hair spray, etc.All in a cute chevron printed tote box. I'm actually looking forward to my next shower. :)
-Spending lots of time with M's parents at the NICU. I am realizing more and more just how important family is. And how blessed we are to have ours so close to home!

Prayer
-that B continues to take full feedings
-that the transition from hospital to home is smooth (when the time comes)
-that B makes a smooth transition from bottle to breast feeding. And that I have patience in the process.


Just for laughs... Stan is amazed by my breast pump!

"I have nipples, can you milk me?" perhaps one of the best movie quotes ever. :)

Day 9

Today I visited Blair in the morning and she took a good amount of her bottle but not quite the whole thing in 20 minutes. In order for B to come home she has to take a full bottle with no breathing problems at every feeding for 24 hours. Right now this seems like quite a milestone but I am sure she will get there by the end of the week. (praying!). Every time another set of parents come in with their car seat I can help but get a little jealous. I want to me the mommy with the car seat taking my little girl home. But, I also want to make sure she is ready to go home. 

so alert for her feeding!

This evening Matt met me at the hospital in time for Blair's 6:00 feeding. The nurse let me breast feed her before giving her the bottle and I was so proud of little B! She was alert and very excited to nurse. The nurse said she was like a "barracuda" because her suck was so aggressive! The lactation consultant helped me to position herself and myself to get the best latch. B has a good suck and opens her mouth wide but would often throw her head back. I'm trying to be patient as I know this is a learning process for the two of us. 

bottom's up!

One of my favorite things about visiting B is snuggling with her after she eats. I just can't get enough of her little body. I love to kiss her and rub her head and back. She is such a sweet little peanut. I know when I get home I am not going to get anything done because we will be so busy cuddling! And that is ok with me. :) I love her SO much! I'm really starting to feel like a mommy. I am feeling confident in diaper changing, and dressing her. Next up is breast feeding!

Hopefully by the end of this week B will be ready to go home. No one at the NICU has made any promises to as when she is coming home but that is my unprofessional guess. 

Today we had two big blessings from God. First, my friend Andie brought us dinner (yum!) and second, Kaiser confirmed that M and I will not owe one penny for B's stay in the hospital. My insurance through the school district is so great that everything is covered...even two weeks in the NICU! Praise God, He is SO good!  

I can already see how God is using me throughout this massive trial. Today at Bed, Bath, and Beyond the checkout lady and I got to talking about my hospital bands and one thing lead to another and before I knew it I was telling her how prayer has gotten us through this situation. I can see how this experience is going to strengthen me and my relationship with the Lord. He is weaving together a great testimony for me so that I can one day help others in similar situations.

Please continue to pray for B to be successful in her feedings. To take a whole bottle in one sitting consistently. And to be successful at breast feeding. For me to be patient for her. And continued prayer for M and I to feel well rested.

PS many of you have requested to make a meal for us. Please email Andie at staudt07@yahoo.com to set up a time and date. Thank you!

Thank God for another day of progress for Blair!  She is still off of all breathing assistance and responding well to bottle and breast feeding.  That was a huge answer to prayer because it is the last major hurdle between us and getting her home.  The nurses said that she needs to be able to feed from a bottle (without needing any additional nutrition from a feeding tube) for an entire day before they will release her.  This morning, Blair breast fed for 10-15 minutes straight, which was a giant step forward for her.  The nurses say they cannot use breastfeeding as a factor when considering release because they cannot tell how much she has eaten.  So when Natalie came back, Blair was eager to start feeding and took 15 mL from the bottle on her own.  The problem is that she needs to eat 55 mL every 3 hours, so she still has some work to do...

Holding our sweet girl!!!

 All cuddled up in her new cradle!

 All dressed up in her jammies!  She didn't get the double chin from me...

 She's so sweet!!!

In other good news, Blair has graduated from the UV light because her jaundice has been taken care of! Her last major improvement is that she is not longer in an enclosed isolette, she is now in a open-topped cradle. All in all she's making great strides in her development/recovery and we can't thank you all enough for your prayers, constant encouragement and help.  Just today my dad came over to help with the pool, lights, sprinklers, etc. My mom helped around the kitchen, Natalie's mom delivered groceries, one of Natalie's friends had lunch delivered, and one of my friends helps put together shelves in the new garage.  Every day we have had generous amounts of help and we really could not function right now without it.

Blair is so blessed to have you all praying for her health, with your continued prayers and her continued improvement she will be home in no time!

-Matt

Oh, I was SO tired I could not fathom blogging when I got home last night. But, Blair is doing AMAZING! Prayers are being answered. She is completely off her oxygen now and just has a feeding tube going down her nose. Feedings with a bottle have been a little tricky. The nurses say she may be used to sucking on her binky and is therefore surprised when she sucks on the nipple of a bottle and her mouth gets full of milk. 

Needless to say breast feeding is going to be a huge hurdle for us to get over. She didn't breast feed yesterday because they have to make sure she is getting enough food. Sometimes she just gets plain MAD when she's hungry (just like her mama) and so then it makes latching very difficult. Also, she poops around the clock and if her diaper is dirty then there is no turning back. I desperately want to breast feed and everyone says that it WILL happen as long as I don't give up. However, it is so stressful to know that she is hungry and that I have milk for her but she's just not understanding how to get it. Please pray for this next challenge. As if having a baby in NICU hasn't shaken my confidence already... Also, please pray that I remain strong in my faith during these next few days and trust the Lord. I know that He will get me through this but it's going to take a good attitude on my part! I have a feeling Blair is going to be coming home soon and while this elates me, it also terrifies me. Pray that I have confidence and am not easily frustrated. Pray that I don't take any of my frustration out on Matt (he has enough going on at work).

feeding with daddy

snuggling

snoozin. she always sleeps with her mouth in an "O". it makes me laugh because she looks like an old man!

lovin on my little girl

kisses

cupcakes that were dropped off from our old neighbors. So sweet! literally. :) I wolfed the cinnamon sugar one down and matt had the chocolate. yummy!

I'm off to go see miss Blair. Then afterwards I'm going to buy a car seat that can be taken out of the car. Our current one doesn't do that and the hospital won't let her out the doors unless she is in a car seat.

As some of you saw on my facebook, Blair had a great day! When we arrived to the NICU this morning her C-pap breathing machine had been removed and she just had a high-flow breathing apparatus attached under her nose. Finally, she looked like a baby and not a robot. See?...

This morning we stopped by for just a little bit to see her. We decided to stop by later this afternoon because we wanted her to be calm for her blood gas test. The doctor said she is making good progress and the nurse even guessed that by tomorrow she may be on "room air" instead of the "high flow" air she is receiving now. She is still under UV lights to help with her jaundice. Tomorrow they anticipate that she will be done with that. So much progress in just 24 hours! I'm chalking it up to everyone's prayers. 

Today when we came back to visit with Blair again I got to share some skin to skin time with her and she attempted to nurse again. She got off to a decent start but then she made a dirty diaper and if there is one this I know about Blair it's that she does NOT tolerate a dirty diaper for more than 30 seconds. She wailed and wailed but she was in the middle of getting her dinner via her feeding tube. She must have been hungry as well because once her tummy started getting full she kind of forgot about her diaper. 

I'm not sure who is happier...

After her feeding was done she slept for a while and my mom got to see her snoozin. After my mom left Matt's parents stopped by and she woke up for them. I was AMAZED at how alert she was! She was studying my face and enjoyed following Matt's parents' faces as well. This is the first time I have seen Blair this alert. It was so exciting to see her watch us and soak it all in. I'm sure most parents take this step for granted but when you have a baby that has had her eyes closed for the first few days of her life you learn to celebrate the little things. I have to say I am glad she took her time opening her peepers because if she had done this sooner she would have seen one sad mommy. Today she saw her mommy and must think that she has a permanent smile on it. :)

Blair nursed again after Matt's parents left. She sucks much harder on her binky than when she does nursing but the nurse assured me that she would get it right eventually. But let me tell you when she cries I get so much anxiety! I hate to watch her be uncomfortable! This, I am sure, will be the death of me...

Before we left for the evening the nurse told us both to kiss Blair goodbye. This was the first time we both kissed our sweet little girl. I don't know if my heart has ever been so full. I am so in love with this baby girl. Here are some pictures we snapped of her before we left. She was all eyes and it was SO hard to drag myself away knowing she was watching us! 

holding daddy's hand

studying our faces...my absolute favorite picture!

getting close to bedtime! a big yawn!

Our prayer request is to pray for continued progress and no more set backs. It would be very hard to go backwards at this point especially after having such a good day with her. Pray for controlled breathing as well as an easy transition into breast feeding. I have a feeling this is going to be my next challenge but I will NOT stress about this. God is so big and so great and I refuse to doubt Him at this point!

** Matt and I decided that it would be convenient to have meals start on Monday. My girlfriend Andie will be setting this up for us online and I will add the link to my blog as soon as possible. Thank you in advance! This will allow us to be able to focus on Blair and not have to think about dinner plans. We appreciate it!