I have a small obsession. And by small I mean huge. I'm not a big TV person, mostly because I spend my nights blogging, but when it's Friday night and there is no blogging to be done I nestle down into my couch in my oldest T shirt (sans bra of course!) and oogle over those homes in Waco, Texas. Yup. I'm 100% obsessed with Fixer Upper and all things Chip and Joanna Gaines.

Joanna's style is right up my alley and if I could live in a farm house I so would! I love the way she makes things so open, bright, and functional. We could be best friends I'm sure. All I have to do is move to Waco of course. ;)

But because I can't move to Waco, or shop every Tuesday at Magnolia Farms, I asked my parents for a sign that I spotted in Joanna's home. They so conveniently sell many of the products that they show in their episodes in their online store. It says, "As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." It was a pricey little guy but I LOVE it!

The spot where I chose to put the sign is right when you walk in the front door, which I like. The only thing is that I have a lot of "square" things in the room. Over time I hope to add some more ovals/circles to balance it out. And this is probably ridiculous but I want to wrap the board games in craft paper so they don't stick out like a sore thumb. I know...super OCD of me. I've also been meaning to enlarge a family photo and replace the engagement photo of us. It's time. :)

And if you're not sure just what show I'm talking about then get your Tivo out and hit record! You won't be sorry. Or maybe you will because now you have one more thing you're obsessed over. ;)

PS I'm also drooling over this little number for my kitchen. So cute!

If I'm being honest some Mother's Days are just another day in the life. Blair came down with a cold Saturday and coughed all. night. long.  Which of course means that I don't sleep. Finally in the early morning I turned off her monitor and opened our door in case she started crying. Poor thing grumped around all day on Sunday and was quite a treat to be around.

M worked hard on a project we've had on the docket for a while and I tidied up the house for my family to come over. The boys cooked us a delicious meal, my brother's girlfriend did all the dishes, and then they put Blair to bed while Matt tickled my back (my version of heaven). The day definitely ended better than it started!

Gifts for Lala (flowers by Lynnea Ruiz)

Four generations ;)

Aprons for everyone for everyone from Gramma! Let's be real, M will be wearing that much more than I will.

I hope all you mamas out there felt special and loved on. And for the mamas who have lost a child this year or those who are desperately trying to have a child I grieve with you. Prayers for those who have lost their mama or have never had one. Thankful for my Mama and the sweet girl who made me one.

Ah the joys of infertility Fridays! I will not miss these posts one bit when this is all said and done. Here's a quick little update:

Medical
The funky erratic bleeding never happened this month so I'm counting that as progress! The only bummer is that I started spotting like usual on day 23. I asked my doc about it and he said that I double my dose of Metformin. The spotting is likely my body's way of telling me that my insulin levels are still off. Basically my body doesn't use insulin properly and I don't make enough of it to keep my blood glucose levels normal. So weird (and annoying) that that affects my ability to get pregnant!

I have an extra round of Clomid in my medicine cabinet so I think I'm going to give that a whirl this month since I already know how to use it. Doc said if I get cysts from it it doesn't matter. That they won't affect my ability to get prego but that they can be painful. I've had them before and never knew it so I'm taking my chances. 

Emotional
I'm not going to lie....I'm super disappointed with how long this is taking. I thought that once on the meds I would be pregnant right away. I've been reading about PCOS a lot and realizing there are so many complications that I could have, which totally overwhelms me. There's scar tissue, closed tubes, endometriosis, adhesions... I could go on and on. And while yes I could go and make a million appointments to see if something else is getting in the way of baby #2 I'm burnt out. It's completely exhausting researching everything and trying to determine what is important and what isn't. I'm over it. And at this point our kids will officially be 4 years apart. Not what I would have planned...

Spiritual
Same old, same old. I'm trying to focus on trusting the Lord and His plan instead of being indifferent or just gritting my teeth and bearing it. Still trying to find my satisfaction in Him and not another baby. Still trying to be thankful for my blessings and joyful in my circumstances. Still trying to have hope in Him instead of doubting that He can or ever will deliver me. Still learning that His way of deliverance may not be mine. Learning that He loves me and cares for me even when I feel alone in my struggle. And still learning that He is enough for me even if He never fills this desire in my heart.

I'm a broken record. These things will always be a challenge to me. I guess I just hope that I'm moving closer toward contentment in Him than farther away. Tough stuff.

I'll be self medicating at Disneyland tonight with M for a date night. This is nothing a good old fashioned corn dog can't fix!

Yesterday we had a little fiesta at our casa to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. But really we don't need an excuse to down some guac and chips. We had chicken tacos for dinner and washed it down with some authentic frozen yogurt. ;)

I was able to snag some Lilly Pulitzer bowls from Target. The perfect dishware for a fun fiesta!

LBG chalkboard inspiration

Hope you guys had a festive fiesta! Or in the very least enjoyed a nice cold Corona with some guac. ;)

Spring and summer time birthdays are just the best since the weather is so nice. We took full advantage of the sunshine on Sunday when we headed to Dana Point for a friend's one year old birthday. Not only is her nursery mermaid theme (which I love!) but the party was too. Too cute!

 We took Blair out on the paddle board for the first time and she loved it! At first all she wanted to do was hold my hand but then Matt told her that I was going on my own board. She sat on the nose of the board to the jetty and back happy as a clam. M tried to get her to lay down so he could stand up but she had plans to stay on her tush. Next time. We love paddle boarding and I'm looking forward to cruising around the harbor this summer with our hood ornament. ;)

Happy 1st birthday, Hayley! We loved celebrating with you!

Last week for my birthday I got a sweet picnic basket that I had been eying at Target from M's parents. It's all sorts of adorable with a built in cooler and utensils/plates/cups. On Friday afternoon we hit up the park with our snacks and one excited toddler. She was thrilled to go on her first "official" picnic (just like Peppa) and baby tagged along too (like always).

The party continued at home in the backyard where Blair and I enjoyed some quality time "Dubsmashing" (funniest app ever!) to Do You Wanna Build a Snowman? while M made us some real dinner...not just the snacks we ate at the park. It was a good time and I see many more picnic dates in the future!

basket: target, blanket: lilly pulitzer for Target

What did you guys do this weekend? Did you have some beautiful weather too?

Sometimes it's the little things that make a great birthday. Here's my list of "little things"...

1. Sleeping in
2. Donut for breakfast
3. Getting my ring cleaned
4. Finding more L.P. on a Target run
5. Getting lots of kisses from Blair
6. Texts, cards, and snapchats galore
7. Homemade CC cookies on my doorstep
8. Dinner with M
9. Dairy Queen with M
10. A tickle/massage before bed

And in reality it really wasn't a "little" birthday since we celebrated last weekend. Plus this whole week has been full of birthday lunches, coffees, and dinners. M spoiled me with some lovely gifts (as did others). Raise your hand if you get a birthday month week!