This week I wrote my infertility story for a brand. They asked me to write my journey down in 500 words or less. If you are new around here is my story in a nutshell...

"I struggled with secondary infertility for two years. Secondary infertility is uncommon because you have already been able to conceive a child without fertility treatment. My husband and I got pregnant on our first try with our daughter (now 6). We had no idea that we would be diagnosed with unexplained secondary infertility years later. I'll never know if my first born was a miracle (I mean all babies are) or if something happened in my body after giving birth to her that changed it. 

Me and my first born, Blair.

Secondary Infertility is hard for many reasons but one being that people assume since you had one kid you can easily have more. They make insensitive comments and ask when you're going to have more. I finally got to the point where my response would be, "Well, we have been trying for a couple years now....". And that would shut them up real quick. The other thing that makes S.I. hard is that you can't escape being surrounded by other moms , babies, and pregnant women. Since I already had a child I was stuck going to everyone's baby showers and stood by as I watched friends get pregnant with number two and number three. It was rough. 

progesterone shots given by my best friend

After a few miscarriages and every treatment under the sun; Clomid, Letrozole, IUI, and acupuncture, we went for IVF. There are so many ways to go through IVF and after much prayer we decided against genetic testing and only attempted to fertilize 5 eggs. I'll never forget the day the doctor called and said, "Only two of your eggs fertilized and are growing at a normal rate. Since you didn't do genetic testing the chances of both of them making it is slim." I sobbed. And sobbed. Finally the Lord gently reminded me that I only asked for ONE healthy baby and He had given me TWO. At that point I decided to trust Him and His plan and to be fearless. 

egg retrieval

Well those babies grew and they grew. We passed every week with a sigh of relief (my first born was premature) and cried when we saw/heard their heartbeats. We were told that we were having twin boys and then weeks later were told that they had made a mistake and it was a boy and a GIRL! My daughter at the time had been praying for God to change one into a girl (even though I told her this was not likely)...boy were her prayers answered! We had a few hiccups along the way; my son had a cyst on his brain that the doctors said was pretty normal (but STILL) and I had to put it in the Lord's hands. I had some preeclampsia too but I always went back to what I knew to be true: The Lord was in control. He is good, He cares for me, He created these babies, He knows what is best, He is trustworthy, and He LOVES me. 

our pregnancy announcement with twins

I tell my story to encourage others going through infertility. There are SO many emotions that come with it but I want to try and give people HOPE. Having hope changes everything."

I get a lot of people asking me detailed questions about my experience with IVF. I'm happy to answer questions but "mom brain" does get the best of me so if you want more answers click the "infertility" tag. Most of my IVF posts are from November and December 2015.

Did you know 1 out of every 10 women struggle with infertility? It's national infertility awareness week and I wanted to be an encouragement to those who are currently in this unwanted season. 

our miracle babies

I'll be answering a few questions this week that may encourage or inform mamas currently in waiting. The original Q and A can be found HERE. And please,  if you have any questions please ask them in the comments and I'd be happy to respond! 

What was the hardest part of this journey for you?

 Oh goodness. There was so much! I think one of the hardest things for me was not knowing the outcome. I was so exhausted emotionally, physically, and spiritually. There were times that I just wanted to know if I wasn’t going to be able to have more kids so I could start processing that and healing and moving on with my life. 

With infertility there is so much waiting every single month. There were months that I got positive pregnancy tests only to discover that I would have a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage) and would have to start all over again next month. I didn’t understand why God would give me that false hope only to take it away. I spent a lot of time angry at Him, questioning His love for me and His goodness. I doubted His plan for my life and felt forgotten by Him. My faith was rocked and I can truly say I hit rock bottom during those years. 

Infertility was all-consuming. There was not one moment that I wasn’t thinking about it (partly because you have to be so in tune with your body so it’s impossible to ignore). I felt as though my daughter was suffering because I was so focused on getting pregnant again and going to a million doctor’s appointments that she took a back seat. I found myself unable to truly enjoy things with her because I was so burdened by not being able to get pregnant. It was horrible. I hated that my time with her was spent with my heart being heavy in the background.

It was also painful to know that she so desperately wanted siblings and that I couldn’t provide that for her. I was so desperate to fix the situation and yet at the same time I was so overwhelmed because I knew it was out of my control. 

With infertility there is no control. You realize how helpless you are. In retrospect this was a good thing because it showed me how much I needed Jesus. I was/am helpless and can only get through this life with His strength!

This year one of our my goals was to re-do the laundry room. When we moved in it had formica counter tops that were trying to look like granite but didn't. The sink was really run down and the faucet was ancient. We're still looking to add custom shelving above the washer and dryer and fix a couple other minor things (like the molding around the door that was damaged from the counter top install) but most of it is complete and I'm really happy with the space.

The space is also super tight and I couldn't back up far enough to capture it in its entirety so the first shot is from my phone...

We added a new door knob from the garage into the house and on the one inside which updated the space as well.

Garage Door Knob: Amazon
Interior Door Knob: Amazon
Sink: IKEA
Faucet: Amazon
Counters: quartz
Plant: IKEA
Soap dispenser: Target
Pulls: The Mine
Mirror: Lamps Plus
Shiplap: MDF board from Home Depot
Pendant Light: Pottery Barn
Key Holder: Pottery Barn (2007)

Spring is here and my sandals from last year are looking a tad sad. I teamed up with J.Adams and found some really cute (and super affordable!) shoes that take my outfit to the next level without being uncomfortable.

I love that they have a velcro strap so I can get them on quickly and easily. The peep toe is flirty and fun and the chunky heal gives me a little bit of (much needed) height.

You can enter here for a pair of your own by checking out J.Adams HERE and letting me know below in the comments which is your favorite style. Entrants MUST leave their email address with their comment. Winner will be notified in two days. Good luck!

*This post is sponsored by J.Adams but all opinions are my own.

When we had our first born, Blair, my hubby made all of her baby food fresh. I loved how inexpensive it was and that I knew all the ingredients going into it. Fast forward to life with twins. I want them to have the same healthy food but there just isn't time for that. That's where Little Spoon has come in!

Little Spoon does all the work for me by making FRESH baby food and shipping it to me. No trip to the grocery store, no time spent cooking... just fresh (organic!) food for your baby/toddler. After doing some research I noticed that most shelf stable baby food is older than the baby eating it (ew!). I also found an article that listed all the toxins that make their way into shelf stable baby food...some of which are BPA and lead!

I also love that Little Spoon combines ingredients that are both common and uncommon to help promote an eater that is not picky. They use items that are in season and items that I wouldn't normally choose or know what to do with.

The containers are small and come with a spoon which makes my life easier. Plus, the twins love feeding themselves so that's a win. When I opened the package I literally said, "Aw look at this little spoon!" Haha. The box comes with a cooler and bib (they think of everything!) which was a nice added touch.

The last thing I wanted to mention about Little Spoon is that they have a team of doctors who work together to determine the best foods to feed your baby depending on their age. Little Spoon also sends items based on your child's allergies (if any) so it is completely tailored to your baby! Amazing!

Have I sold you on Little Spoon yet? I've sold myself on it! We are now saying no to "no more old baby food" and have joined the fresh side of Little Spoon!