Day 1 Home

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I know I titled yesterday's blog post as "home sweet home" but in reality it was more like "home difficult home." The first night was ROUGH to say the least. We put Blair in a co-sleeper next to our bed and I did not sleep AT ALL. It was so hard for me to tune any of her noises out. I'm sure the fear of her being away from the NICU for the first time combined with the stress of being a new mommy kept me awake. I got up every three hours to nurse her and tried to do it myself without Matt's help because I knew the poor guy had work in the morning but eventually I cracked and needed help. At her 3:30 am feeding she was so upset and I couldn't console her so Matt suggested that I switch breasts. Lo and behold that was what she wanted. It's just like solving a puzzle and figuring out what works, which is hard when you have never done it before. We were totally exhausted and I found myself crying to my mom this morning saying, "I don't think I can do this." Apparently I'm not the first mom to utter these words...

Of course there have been many blessings in the first 24 hours though. My mom had a friend come over who is a lactation consultant and she recommended that I use the nipple shield that I bought. Since Blair has been so used to bottle feeding at the NICU the shield is shaped like a bottle but is put over my breast so that she can access my milk better. Oh, the things you learn! This has been a LIFE SAVER. I would give the person who invented this a million dollars. Since then, feedings have gotten progressively better. I was only getting her to feed for ten minutes but today she was nursing for a half an hour...huge progress! 

I would be remiss if I didn't mention how incredibly selfless the "grandmas" have been throughout this. My mom ran hours of errands for me (buying groceries, more nipple shields etc.) and stayed with me throughout the day watching Blair while I napped and even mopping the kitchen floor! Matt's mom has been equally amazing by spending her entire day here and helping get our old house cleaned up so we can start looking for renters.While they watched Blair I slept as best as I could.

We have also had some delicious meals dropped off at our house as well as sweet cards that have come in the mail. Friends and family have been our right arm. Last night Matt and I prayed for Blair and our first night at home and while it was difficult it could have been a lot worse. Please pray for a good night's rest tonight and that we are able to tune out Blair's little noises. Pray for my emotions ( I am totally hormonal) and that God gives me strength, perseverance and trust in Him to help us through this.

i had to put a headband on her :)

matt's mom: angel #1

my mom: angel # 2

matt's parents with their first grandchild
It makes me laugh now that I ever said I wanted three kids... ;)


  1. I promise you are definitely not the first mother to utter tHose words, "I don't think I can do this"... I said them many times the first year of my daughters life and always to my own mother. We're so lucky to have great moms and mother-in laws, without mine Or my hubby,I'm not sure if I would have made it through the hardest times!!! I'm so happy you guys are all home and don't worry it will get easier with time, and it's completely natural to be concerned over every little noise she makes while sleeping!!!

  2. She is SO beautiful!! I can't give much advice because I'm not a mom yet (due in August) but from what I heard, each day gets easier. Hang in there!

  3. You are FOR SURE not the only one to say those words :) It's tough. But this too shall pass :) You have such an awesome support blessed...

  4. she is GORGEOUS! that second picture - oh my! like a little angel. its so amazing when family and friends just step in ways that you never imagined. so blessed. and the nipple shield is amazing! there was a time where i thought i would never stop using it! and then at the end of the second month i gradually transitioned to nursing sans shield! so glad its working for you! take care...the emotions will balance out! you are doing a GREAT job!


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