Yup this is happening. A weekly update on all things infertility.

Medically
I finished my dose of Clomid (3 pills a day) and gave myself a shot of Menopur. Which, btw I am totally professional at doing now. Then on Monday I head to the doctor to get another ultrasound to spy on my eggs. Prayers could be that I have more than one egg this time which ultimately raises my chances of getting pregnant.

Emotionally
Today is a good day. Yesterday was a bad day. The waves of sadness come and go and I just can't tell if it's my meds or just me. Either way in a couple weeks I'm meeting with a woman from my church who has dealt with secondary infertility herself. She's awesome and I'm looking forward to it. So yes, this crazy nut is officially in counseling. I also had the opportunity to meet with a girl from my church who also went through secondary infertility (SI) earlier this week. She was so sweet and gifted me the cutest frame with an encouraging scripture, "Be still and know that I am God." Surrounding myself with people who have been there seems to help me not feel so alone. Naturally I'm meeting with another mama next week as well. Keep 'em coming!

Encouragement
I found this extremely calming and encouraging in my devotional this week: "He is the Physician, and if He knows everything, there is no need for the patient to know. Calm down, you silly fluttering heart, prying, peeping, and suspecting! What you don't know now, you will know later; and meanwhile Jesus, the Beloved Physician, knows your soul in adversities, Why does the patient need to analyze all the medicine or estimate all the symptoms? This is the Physician's work, not mine; it is my business to trust, and His to prescribe. If He shall write his prescription in a fashion that I cannot read, I will not be uneasy on that account, but will rely upon His unfailing skill to make everything clear in the result, no matter how mysterious the process - Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon


Now back to life with a toddler. And if you need a good laugh then you should read on to see what happened at Little Gym yesterday... excuse the blurry pics. Catching a toddler in action is impossible!

 A couple friends of mine have suggested multiple times that we try out a local "indoor playground" for toddlers. The gym opens the room for an hour and charges $4 a child. Totally reasonable and so fun! They have everything from trampolines to bounce houses, foam cube pits, balance beams etc. I knew Blair would love it.

So before we headed out the door B went potty and off we went. Once we got there I skipped the potty line and we headed straight for the tunnel since she just went. Rookie mistake. I know that when Blair is at church or another very fun activity she has accidents. It's like she's having so much fun she doesn't want to leave and waste time on the potty. I get it, but I'm at the age with which I can hold it...

So as she's standing next to me she starts peeing on the wood floor and I panic. I tell her, "Stop peeing! Stop peeing!" Like that is even a possibility. I pick her up and at first think that holding her away from me while running to the bathroom is a good idea. Then I quickly realize this is going to leave a huge trail of pee behind us so I have her bear hug me and I lift my top up under her bum to catch the flood. And what idiot Mom gives her kid a cup and a half of flax milk right before we go?! This one.

Needless to say this was no little tinkle. This was a torrential downpour. By the time we get to the potty she's done peeing...all. over. me. My shirt was soaked and I definitely had pee all down the front of my pants as well. But we had just got there and already paid (I know, a whole $4) and I wasn't calling it quits. So I took her panties off (her shorts were dry...how is this possible?) and wore a pee shirt the rest of the hour. This mom deserves an honorable mention.

the mecca

I stealthily mopped up the drops of pee with my sock (classy) and stayed mum. I was scared that if I told the owner Blair peed on the floor that we would get the boot or possibly not allowed back. That's probably irrational but I wasn't willing to chance it. I had found the toddler mecca for $4 and I wasn't giving up so easily! I'm not sure what the other moms thought about my drenched shirt but I just pretended like it was sweat from my workout that morning. If only I worked out that hard...

Sigh. Lesson learned. Take your kid potty more than you think necessary. Bring an extra pair of clothes for her (and me!), wear socks, and never let your kid eat off the floor...my kid peed there.

I'm not sure anyone loves their local library like we do! It's become quite the hit with me and B this summer. Plus you can't beat the price. ;) Not to mention they've been hosting a free lunch every Wednesday after story time...winning! 

'mingo bow c/o Sea Cove Stitch

raspberry moccs c/o freshly picked

dress: vintage baby gap

Mary of Sea Cove Stitch was so kind to send over the cutest little flamingo hair pretty for Blair. I love it because the bow comes off of the headband and can be used as a clip. It's the perfect accessory for the end of summer and will surely come out again in spring! Enter to win your own below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway


Today I think we are going to attempt an indoor gym that I heard about in our area. It's only $4 for the open gym toddler time so I'm excited to see what it's all about.

Yesterday my brother and his girlfriend came over to go swimming along with her younger sister. Blair has been Oscar the Grouch lately and seemed to have a marginal time but at least her friend had a good time! To top it off the little stinker only napped an hour and a half. I was really banking on a good nap after all the exercise. Wah. Regardless, I enjoyed some time escaping the heat. 

Poor brookiyn's face when blair declared she did NOT want to take a picture with her. :/

Don't mind my hormone induced bloat :/

I don't know if I'll every buy another suit for Blair that isn't cut like a T-shirt. I mean, can we talk about how easy sunscreen application is in that thing?! A total win in my book. Happy Wednesday!

Yesterday was one for the books. Blair definitely goes through tantrum phases and the last 48 hours have been super fun. Insert sarcasm here. You would think that she was the one hopped up on hormones with all the crying she does. I'm not sure if she's punishing me for going away for the weekend or what but it's enough to make me stick around for a while now. ;) 

While I was up visiting my bff's this weekend I was inspired by their clothes (always) and thought I would post a few items that I'm loving lately! 

aqua at bloomies

mossimo at target

wet n wild lipstick in cherry picking

I'm on a MAJOR bright lipstick phase lately and this color is SO awesome! I've been getting a ton of complements when I wear and feel like I look so much more awake with it on. Another fave is NYX matte lipstick in shocking pink. Take a look below and see these colors in action...

wet n wild on me and nyx on diana (floral dress)...go get one! it'll change your life. ;)

I had such a fun time with my besties up in San Jose this weekend. We celebrated Kelly at her bridal shower and it turned out SO well! I was seriously impressed with how skilled her maids of honor were in their "fiesta" theme. 

Real photos to come later but for now enjoy the iPhone ones. ;) 

The future bride!

Thanks, Jessica, for the inspiration. ;)

None of us are MOH's... Just maids. But we thought we were pretty funny. The real MOH's are below! 

Great job ladies! The shower was so well put together. And what a great distraction from my life right now. That's what friends are for, right?! Excited for my next distraction... The bachelorette party! 

most photos by Mandy Ansari...check her out on instagram! @mandyansari 

Lately I have been diggin' all things camo...and not just for the boys! I picked up some camo pants for Blair and have been dying to get her these shoes. Our Baby Thompson Love (OBTLove) sent us the cutest camo hair pretty... too bad my uncle asked why there was a "camo bow tie" sitting on our counter. Insert eye roll. Men. No sense of style! ;)

Here are some of my other camo picks!

{Shorts} {Moccs} {Pants} {Hair Ties} {Backpack} {Shoes} {Vest}

Happy camouflaging!

Infertility Update:

Yesterday we went to the doctor to discuss round 2 of hormones. During my ultrasound the doctor said there were some things that made her think I could possibly be pregnant so she ordered a blood test to verify. I knew it would be negative but my heart was still racing when I saw the email come through with my results. Could I be pregnant?! Maybe this was my miracle? But it was as I suspected...negative. I didn't cry about it because I already pretty much knew. I'm optimistic for round 2. She upped my dose of Clomid (yay twins!) and confirmed that we will try two more rounds of combination intrauterine insemination (clomid, a shot of Menopur, a shot of HCG, and progesterone) before we move on to a stronger drug and try that for three more months. Basically in 5 months of we still aren't prego we go for IVF. Praying to Jesus this doesn't happen as it is MEGA expensive. Kaiser quotes us 32K. Laughable, right?! Needless to say we will be shopping around for that a bit if it comes down to it!

One thing she did tell us is that since M hasn't had any major health changes in the last 2 years (weight gain, smoking, excessive alcohol etc.) his body has probably always been this way...not 100% conducive to baby makin'. Which means Blair was one big gigantic miracle. It gives me hope to know that we got pregnant once (without help!) when the odds were majorly against us. Surely we will get pregnant with the help of meds and God, right?! I'm hoping yes.

Happy weekend! I'm off to San Jose for my BFF's bridal shower. Can't even wait to focus on someone/something else for a change. :)

Every day I receive messages, emails, cards, cookies, comments and more filled with encouragement. I am overwhelmed with everyone's kindness and can't thank you enough. If you have taken the time to email me etc. then I apologize for the length of time it takes me to respond. Nap time is only so long but know that I REALLY appreciate your thoughtfulness and will get back to you soon.

Today we are off to start another round of fertility meds. That's right, Aunt Flo came to town and oddly enough I didn't cry about it. I knew she was on her way...I just know my body. I'm actually feeling good about our appointment and looking forward to getting more answers. So today I get an ultrasound to see how many eggs I've got and how much Clomid I get to take. I did get some good news a couple weeks ago that I have a very good "ovarian reserve." So that's something! I'll take it. I'm basically telling you all of this because I got some good advice to journal everything we are doing medically (and emotionally) so I can look back on it if need be. Welcome to my public diary.

Before I knew I wasn't prego I was dreaming up ways to announce our pregnancy this month. Since we were at the beach I was fantasizing over an announcement with sand and waves in the back ground etc. SO foolish. I hate that I let myself do those sorts of things. It makes it SO hard on myself when I realize I won't be able to follow through with my ideas. Stupid Pinterest. And stupid me. Can you believe that I bought Blair a, "Best Sis Ever" shirt months ago (and brought it on vacation just in case?!)! Idiot. Clearly one of my faults is getting WAY ahead of myself. Would you believe I'm already looking into different clinics for IVF? Yup, you probably would.

I'm crazy. And yet just like so many others out there (I'm starting to realize). I'm learning to take one day at a time and boy is M sure good at helping me with that. I'm like, "How are we going to pay for Blair's college?! IVF is so expensive!" And he's like, "Woah, pony, slow down. We've just completed one cycle." Everyone should be so lucky to have an M in their life. I sure am.

And because I know the real reason you come to my blog is to see her... ;)

Thanks brother Jake for the sweet pics. Put it on my tab. ;)

PS Anyone need a Best Sis Ever shirt in a size 2T? Pretty sure B will be too big for it by the time we need it :/