(In)Fertility Friday + a Toddler Costume Party

Medical
Off to the doctor today to begin another round of treatment hopefully. Praying the cysts went away on their own. I have A LOT of questions for the doctor this go around. Mostly regarding why the heck I keep having chemical pregnancies. I also have quite a few suggestions regarding different treatments I read about online. She's going to be thrilled with all my googling no doubt...

Emotional
I found out a sweet friend of mine is prego (with #2) yesterday. I held it together till everyone left the toddler costume party and then had a good cry to one of my bff's on the phone. Just when I think I've got a hold of myself...I don't. The announcements don't get any easier. Happy for them...sad for me. I even bawled to a friend yesterday afternoon while dropping off a gift for her new BABY. Classy, I know. But when she asked how I was doing I just couldn't hide it. Infertility seriously messes with your emotions.

Spiritual
Whenever I get wind of another pregnancy I instantly doubt God's plan for us. My faith shrinks and I want to immediately take things into my own hands and do things my way. I panic and feel like I'm "falling behind" all our friends. Ridiculous, I'm sure but I have the feelings all the same. I'm desperate to give Blair a sibling and feel like I'm failing her. Every time she asks if I have a baby in my tummy it crushes me. I wish more than anything that I could give that to her. She would be SUCH a good sister! I've learned that my expectations have gotten me into trouble. I'm still learning to trust in God and live by his expectations, not my own. Super, super hard. Expecting to have a baby on my time frame and then realizing that's not going to happen has made for a pretty miserable year for me. I'm sure tomorrow I'll wake up and feel better but for now I need some serious encouragement.
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Despite the above pity party we actually had an awesome costume party for the toddlers/babies yesterday. They painted pumpkins (among other things in the back yard) with reckless abandon! Whoever invented washable paint gets a pat on the back from me. We snacked on chili, cornbread, and treats galore which always makes me happy.

print from J&Paper

cousins!

Blair was obsessed with painting her pumpkin. She always went for the stem first and then painted the rest. Towards the end of the day there were some pumpkins left over and she was out there painting all by herself. Guess I should let her paint more often. Too bad that's on my list of "activities to avoid with Blair." You can add play dough, swimming, and other messy activities to that list. I know, I'm a total buzz kill.

Not as much of a buzz kill as M though who didn't want to fight the crowds on the coolest Halloween house ever!!! This place is like a mile away from us and has been on the news. It must take the guy who designs it all year. B was more interested in the park across the street but I thought it was cool!

Have a great Halloween everyone! Be safe and I can't wait to see all your pictures on Insta. :)

DIY Master Bath Cabinets

Typically Blair sleeps 8-8 and it really is a glorious thing. However there are the occasional night time cry sessions that remind me of the days when she was a newborn and I was a zombie. Last night was one of those. She woke at 12:30 and M took care of that one. Then she was up at 6 and I stumbled into her bed.

Usually we try to creep out before daylight so she sleeps in but I couldn't escape quietly enough. If she wakes up in the morning and sees us play time is on. And don't get me wrong I love snuggling with her but not when it consists of feet in my face, legs over my torso, and a lot of open mouth breathing. So this morning I am tired. And she says to me (after she's been staring me down to see if I was awake) "Mom! Let's go downstairs and eat!" I open one eye and tell her in five minutes. She obliges but in a passive aggressive way by laying on top of me, kissing me, and laying her head on mine. Not so stealth, Blair. We were headed downstairs shortly after that. ;) Next thing...COFFEE!

All of that to say I got an early start on finishing up our cabinets...ta da! Just have to add some hardware and we're set (for now). Of course now that we've opened this can of worms I want to change out the faucets, lights, and exchange the huge standard mirror for two mirrors (one above each sink). All in good time. I'm happy to have the distraction for now. :)

before

and after!

i love how much brighter it makes our bathroom

I was going to change the pulls to a brushed bronze like we have in the kitchen but I actually like the brushed nickel and am going to change out the light fixtures to go with that. Have you started or finished any home projects lately?

This weekend M is going to tackle building us our very own farmhouse table! Yay! Restoration Hardware has some competition coming their way... ;)

Unicorn Costume Review

Blair is being quite the diva this year for Halloween with a costume change. ;) Just Pretend Kids gave us a costume of our choice and I have to say this unicorn will take the cake on Halloween night. There's just something about a toddler in a head to toe costume complete with tail! I just die.

I just have to tell you that these pictures took some serious work to obtain! Blair's "no paparazzi" stance has really been cramping my style lately. So we told her that she could practice trick-or-treating Easter style by searching for M&M's on our front porch. She jumped at that opportunity but of course cried once she realized she had found them all. It wasn't a total win but it wasn't a total fail. I'll keep that move in my back pocket.

behind the scenes of our "photo shoot" ;)

poor thing. every time she bent over to get her candy the head fell over her face

 
I have no idea what to do with her curly mop in the back. Every time I put her in a low pony tail she reminds of George Washington. Suggestions?

The costume is awesome but since Blair has a pumpkin head larger-than-average head size we had to improvise and attach ribbon to it so we could tie it under her chin. We originally thought it was her hair but apparently she's just got a fat head. ;)

A feature of the costume that I love is that it came with snaps for toddlers who are still in diapers.  
Plus it had been cooling off here at night so this should be perfectly warm. What are your kiddos going to be for Halloween?

Master Bedroom Curtains

Photoshop is not my forte. You have been warned! Lately I've been on the prowl for some curtains for our master bedroom. We already have some very nice plantation shutters but here's the thing...I'm still being blinded by the sun in the morning. Since our master is on the second story even though it faces west we still get a lot of sun and I'm tired of only being able to lay on my right side once the rooster crows.

I realize our room is passe with the beige walls...hello isn't everything gray now?! But our house is HUGE and all the walls are painted this color which isn't horrible so we're leaving it. I do have a strong love for very neutral tones (clearly) but to me it's soothing and beautiful...not boring. I think I know which curtains I'm leaning towards but I want your opinion too!

blue

blue pattern

white

white with the pics of B moved to above our bed

a different angle with blue

patterned blue

and white

What do you guys think? I have tones of blue running through our entire home (minus Blair's room) to keep things somewhat cohesive. I have a love-love relationship with white that you should know about too. ;) Thanks in advance for your input!

Weekend Love

This was my kind of weekend. Staying at home and checking things off of my "to do" list is pure joy to me. :) We did loads of yard work, finished putting up our last Halloween decorations, painted new numbers on our curb, and started painting the oak cabinets in our master bathroom. Yippee! I can't say this is M's favorite kind of weekend but relationships are all about sacrifice right?! ;)

I supervised (and ate a treat I bought for Blair) while M hung the spider webs

sent this gem to my Aunt who requested a picture

got busy painting these bad boys...officially no more oak in our home! now how nice would two mirrors in here look? one above each sink! i think yes...

started setting up for a couple Halloween parties we are having this week.

hung this sweet picture in Blair's room that I found at Home Goods!

The last picture is more of a suggestion to Blair. ;) We are 100% in the terrible twos. Ay chihuahua that girl can throw a tantrum! What did you guys do this weekend? Anything fun?

(In)Fertility Fridays

Medical
Pretty positive this month was a bust but I kind of knew that going into it. With the cysts that were seen at the beginning of this month I knew our chances were low. I took a test on Wednesday which came back incredibly negative and I'm not wasting another $4. So it looks like next week I head to the doctor to see if the cysts went away on their own. If not, I get to have them removed...lucky me! I hear it's no big deal though. And I'm definitely not jumping on the Clomid bandwagon again...that did me a whole lotta no good. Looks like it's me, Matt and Progesterone for a while now! 

Emotional 
Each month comes with disappointment of course but at the same time it's getting less and less. I don't know if it is because it is what I've come to expect or because I'm trusting God's timing more? Either way I'm less of a basket case and honestly some days I wonder how I could handle more than Blair? On Wednesday she gave me the biggest run for my money yet and I considered the lack of baby in my belly a sign. Two is going to be tough and maybe my type A personality isn't ready for that yet?

Spiritual
I mentioned that I'm choosing to trust God's plan for our family more and more. There are moments that I catch myself in a frantic downward spiral of "what ifs" or "Blair is going to be married by the time we have another kid!" But it all comes back to being confident in faith as I wait for His plan of deliverance to unfold. I know God will never lead me where He can't deliver me and that is reassuring. When I am tempted to complain because God isn't rescuing me via the shortest route possible I need to remember that He is protecting me. He cares for me and loves me and knows exactly what I need and when. And that gets me through my darkest hours. 

And because donuts and this girl usually make me happy...

 

I wish I could wear my skeleton jams at the donut shop and look this cute!

Halloween Sugar Cookies

Last night we were invited over to a friend's house to make some Halloween sugar cookies with Blair's friends. The girls loved "painting" their frosting on the cookies and adding sprinkles. I think we will definitely be doing this again come December...but probably at my house since the host will likely be cleaning up sprinkles till January. ;)

I was surprised how much the girls actually did in regards to the whole process. I thought for sure I would be doing most of the decorating but she was an avid participant! Really lights a fire under my tush to do things like this with her more often. Thanks again, Monica, for hosting us!

Mickey's Halloween Party

Be prepared for some pretty marginal photos. But seriously! Why are toddlers SO hard to photograph?! Mine in particular wanted nothing to do with the camera last night at Mickey's Halloween Party at Disneyland. She sure had fun trick-or-treating like a queen while riding in her stroller shouting "trick or treat!"

clearly she's thrilled

practicing her princess pose

how cute were our friends! mary poppins, a chimney sweep, and a penguin if you couldn't tell ;)

getting two toddlers to smile...impossible

the aftermath

At the beginning of the night I would bribe her one for one...one piece of candy for each acceptable picture. But as the night went on she was over my bribe and the rest is history...no more decent pics from her!

She was a trooper though and even stayed awake till 10! Her last request was to ride the tea cups and on the way over she fell asleep so we took that as our cue to ride some adult rides and switch off with our friends. Unfortunately when I woke her up to take her potty before our drive home she FREAKED out saying "I didn't get to ride the tea cups!!!" How in the world to toddlers remember this stuff?! I told her next time we can which of course was no consolation to her. Sigh. Apparently going trick-or-treating at Disneyland isn't enough?