(In)Fertility Friday + a Toddler Costume Party

Medical
Off to the doctor today to begin another round of treatment hopefully. Praying the cysts went away on their own. I have A LOT of questions for the doctor this go around. Mostly regarding why the heck I keep having chemical pregnancies. I also have quite a few suggestions regarding different treatments I read about online. She's going to be thrilled with all my googling no doubt...

Emotional
I found out a sweet friend of mine is prego (with #2) yesterday. I held it together till everyone left the toddler costume party and then had a good cry to one of my bff's on the phone. Just when I think I've got a hold of myself...I don't. The announcements don't get any easier. Happy for them...sad for me. I even bawled to a friend yesterday afternoon while dropping off a gift for her new BABY. Classy, I know. But when she asked how I was doing I just couldn't hide it. Infertility seriously messes with your emotions.

Spiritual
Whenever I get wind of another pregnancy I instantly doubt God's plan for us. My faith shrinks and I want to immediately take things into my own hands and do things my way. I panic and feel like I'm "falling behind" all our friends. Ridiculous, I'm sure but I have the feelings all the same. I'm desperate to give Blair a sibling and feel like I'm failing her. Every time she asks if I have a baby in my tummy it crushes me. I wish more than anything that I could give that to her. She would be SUCH a good sister! I've learned that my expectations have gotten me into trouble. I'm still learning to trust in God and live by his expectations, not my own. Super, super hard. Expecting to have a baby on my time frame and then realizing that's not going to happen has made for a pretty miserable year for me. I'm sure tomorrow I'll wake up and feel better but for now I need some serious encouragement.
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Despite the above pity party we actually had an awesome costume party for the toddlers/babies yesterday. They painted pumpkins (among other things in the back yard) with reckless abandon! Whoever invented washable paint gets a pat on the back from me. We snacked on chili, cornbread, and treats galore which always makes me happy.

print from J&Paper

cousins!

Blair was obsessed with painting her pumpkin. She always went for the stem first and then painted the rest. Towards the end of the day there were some pumpkins left over and she was out there painting all by herself. Guess I should let her paint more often. Too bad that's on my list of "activities to avoid with Blair." You can add play dough, swimming, and other messy activities to that list. I know, I'm a total buzz kill.

Not as much of a buzz kill as M though who didn't want to fight the crowds on the coolest Halloween house ever!!! This place is like a mile away from us and has been on the news. It must take the guy who designs it all year. B was more interested in the park across the street but I thought it was cool!

Have a great Halloween everyone! Be safe and I can't wait to see all your pictures on Insta. :)