Last night was super difficult and because of that I'm posing some questions in hopes of advice. I'm desperate! Blair was awake every hour and a half. I noticed that she had more gas than usual which could be due to some things I ate yesterday (carrots, garlic mashed potatoes, cheese) but what I'm most frustrated with is the fact that she will not sleep in her own bed in our room. I'm torn because I know that she is establishing trust between us and that when she gets upset and I pick her up this is reassuring to her that she can trust me. On the other hand I know it is not so safe to let her sleep in the bed which is why I want her next to me in her co-sleeper. We all get more sleep when she is in our bed...
If you have read the book called Baby Wise that is my ultimate goal. To have her on a schedule and sleeping through the night. How do I get there? Here are some of my questions:
1. When did your child sleep through the night?
2. Did you use any sleep aides (white noise machines etc?) B.W. says not to.
3. If your child slept in the bed how did you transition to their own bed?
4. Am I expecting too much out of B since she is only a month old on Sunday?
Any advice helps! From one desperate mommy...
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I recently read that eliminating dairy from your diet can really help with fussy/non-sleeping babies. Have you considered that? Wish I could give more advice!!
ReplyDeleteAw. Yes, this is a tough one. My little one (now 18 weeks) had gas issues and reflux around that same one month mark. A friend recommended "Little Tummy's" before bed...it doesn't help eliminate gas but helps them pass it more comfortably. Laying them on their back and pulling their knees up to their bellies also helps relieve the gas. In terms of sleeping, were against having him in the bed...but it was the only way he would sleep longer (and allow us to get sleep too). I too had a co-sleeper right next to the bed...but he wouldn't stay asleep there for long. Around 6-8 weeks, I would nurse him in our bed and he would fall asleep next to me. I would then move him a half hour or so after he fell asleep and he was fine for 3-4 hours. It was somewhere in that 2-3 month range that he slept longer. Any you know, breastfed babies tend to sleep less. But Blair will adjust soon. I think you are doing all the right things. I'm not expert...just a mom going through the same things :)
ReplyDeleteDont worry I know its difficult, i did baby wise with BOTH kids. Loooove that book. Also, I had them in a cosleeper next to my bed, we had a fan running on the floor (obviously not blowing on them-- actually to this day both of my kids sleep and nap with fans on in their own rooms). Stick with it, the baby crying in the cosleeper, it gets easier, three nights for a newborn starts a habit. By 5 weeks old Nicole was in her own room sleeping 8 hrs, and by 8 weeks Macoy was in his own room sleeping 8 hrs. Hang in there!!! It gets easier, PROMISE! The hardest part is letting baby cry, let her cry 5 mins and if no stop, cuddle then try to go 10 mins then cuddle.. your doing a great job and remember it might be different since B did come early :)
ReplyDeleteI think if she's sleeping "like a baby" as soon as she's in bed with you, she's most likely just wanting her way and not just battling with gas. So if I were you and I thought she was just workin me, I'd let her cry until she fell asleep where I wanted her to. Mommy's the boss. : ) Obviously I don't think tough love is the way to go when she may just be in pain. I don't think her trust in you is going down when you don't cave to her every cry. Instead, I think she'll end up developing the security of knowing that you mean what you say and that you are in charge, which ironically WILL give her trust and security in your role in her life. It may be a rough few nights or MAYBE even a week or two, but then she'll forever know that she is to go to bed where you decide. : ) It's too bad that she may have to have some "cry it out" sessions (the way Amber suggested) at such a young age, but I think your severe lack of sleep requires this to happen now and not when she's older, (beause you NEED sleep, and it will be even more difficult then!).
ReplyDeleteI agree with Danielle! We had a hard time when Jeremy came home from the NICU because since we held him every time we were there for the entire time we were there, he thought it was the same when we came home. We had to let him cry it out fora few nights. It was so difficult for me. I would squeeze Bobby's hand and he would reassure me. I would pick him up after 15 minutes, we set a timer! Snuggle an reassure him, then do it again.
ReplyDeleteGas: I found that drinking water with mint leaves in it helped his gas tremendously! You drink so much water BFing anyway that I just bought a plant and added leaves every day. I could tell the days I didn't have them. On the days I forgot I would boil some mint leaves in water and give him an oz or 2 in a bottle. Immediately he was comforted. It was amazing!
These first few months are so trying! I promise it will get better and you WILL get on a routine eventually.
Audrey has so much gas too! (I'm totally going to try the mint water). I have yet to find a solution... As for sleep, I haven't read Baby Wise so I don't know his reason behind no white noise, but it really works for her. I don't leave it on all night, just until she seems to be sleeping deeply. She'll be ten weeks on Tuesday, and the longest she's slept is 6.5 hours (which was awesome!) but usually it's more around 4 to 4.5 stretches. We have her in her own room so I don't hear all her little noises, just when she's really awake and hungry. Everyone here I talk to has said that their babies have slept so much better on their bellies, so I might try it for some naps and watch her to see how she does. Also, I just read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and I really like it. Check it out. He says it's key to put them to bed Early and during the day to help them sleep after two hours of being awake--before they get overtired. The more rested they are the more they'll be able to sleep. We're working on it, but I'm hopeful that it'll be the answer. Good luck! This has been my biggest challenge too, but I know our girls will figure it out :)
ReplyDeleteHello! I am a postpartum doula and infant/toddler sleep consultant. My girlfriend is a HUGE fan of your blog and suggested I reach out to you. Here's what I teach the families I work with, but use your best judgement and consult your dr. At 4 weeks, you can anticipate 4 hours of sleep at night and three hour stretches after that during the day and night. When I work with families I stress the importance of a nurturing sleep environment, which it sounds like you are trying to create. I would definitely make the move to your co-sleeper for the entire night and soon enough, I would consider moving your baby to a crib. Also, at 4 weeks a baby can eat every 3 hours, there's generally no need to eat more often than this. Also, the more sleep you can offer in a bed during the day, the better. Daytime sleep in the car, stroller and swing is not as deep and nourishing for a little body. When they do eat more often, they develop a bad "addiction" if you will to the hormones found in breast milk. This in turn leads to poor sleep, short naps and constant night waking. One other key piece of advice, awake time should be 45 minutes max. After that a baby is seriously overtired and either struggles to fall or asleep or struggles to stay asleep. Lastly, as many other moms suggested, a little processing (crying) to burn off that over stimulation will help. This is always the last piece of the puzzle for me as it is minimized when everything else comes together. At 4 weeks, I suggest a baby processes for 4 minutes, you go in and soothe, then repeat. I hope this helps. You can e-mail me at WellRestedKids@gmail.com if you want to talk more! There's so much more including sleep aids, etc that I'd be happy to discuss with you.
ReplyDeleteWow looks like you've recorded a ton of great info but a little more can't help right? My daughter had the most awful gas and she would wake up screaming in pain all night long... I cut out all dairy and gassy veggies (broccoli), caffiene. Also, after nursing and burping for a very long time, I would keep her in a burping position and pat her little butt for several minutes. This helped her realize where to push ad eliminate the gas... She never slept in our bed but did have a little cradle in our bedroom and around 4 weeks old I couldn't handle all the little noises anymore... My hubby suggest movig her to her own room and crib. I was devastated and cried my eyes out until he came home with a video monitor for me :). After that I was at ease knowing I could see her all night long... And she actually Loved her bedroom and crib. The first night she slept almost 7 hours straight and so did I!! Ever since movig her she has slept wonderfully at night!! She also had reflux so we had her bed on an incline and I also purchased the rock n roll sleeper for malting so I could have her in whichever room I was in and she loved that thing!!! Hope these tips help... And I know I've said this before but it will get easier!! Plus, with her being premature you have to take that into consideration too!!
ReplyDeleteI read BW, too, as a new parent. I would really recommend The Happiest Baby on the Block. They have it in DVD if it's easier. It covers all of your questions, but the BEST part is that it says that newborns and babies (under the age of 3 months or something) aren't mature enough for "spoiling". As in, you can't spoil her yet w/ cosleeping or responding to her needs immediately. I don't remember the details, but I know that it talks about how babies are born earlier than their brain is ready due to the opening of the mother (and I'm assuming even more so for a preemie). Also, you remember that you are still building up the trust with her. Psychologically speaking, I'd much rather have my child trust me and know that I'm there before knowing how to sleep independently. They won't go to college cosleeping!! I'm assuming you're on the same page (you're such a good mommy from what I read!) so I don't think the cosleeping is bad right now. Also, something I always told myself as a young and single mom was "what is going to be our issue when he's older?" Trust was huge for me... I wanted him to know that I was there even though his dad wasn't. I also realized that I needed to survive. I was going to school full time the whole time and starting working full time and a part time job once Caydon was 4 weeks old. Couldn't afford not to. It was what was putting food on our table, and I knew school was what would make or break our future.. so if cosleeping and helping him sleep through the night was what I needed to do, so be it! ((And nursing him while sleeping became my secret weapon of defense. He was healthy/chubby/trusting and I was well rested enough to be mom AND dad the next day)) Different situation, but I think it's important that you aren't too hard on yourself, either. Motherhood is a transition! I could only imagine having a preemie and moving at the same time. You deserve more credit than you are giving yourself!! Maybe work on getting her adjusted to the day/night routine (once she knows the difference) and THEN try putting her in her own bassinet, then move it slowly into her room. Caydon wouldn't sleep anywhere but my arms the first 3 months, so I gradually got him to sleep in his bouncy seat by me, then put the bouncy into the crib, then put him in the crib without the bouncy. Improvising! :) Hope these ideas help a little.. I'm sorry I can't recall more!! Caydon didn't sleep through the night until he was 13 months old for the first time, but apparently it's super common in kids with autism to struggle sleeping (he still doesn't sleep through the night except on rare occasions). What's not common is the fact that Cay is super cuddly and wants to touch me whenever he is upset... and I thank breastfeeding and cosleeping for this!
ReplyDeleteAs for the gas, I would try rotating your diet to see if you can pinpoint one thing. Caydon couldn't stand broccoli when I nursed. He was always a super gassy/colicky baby (who wouldn't stop eating and couldn't sleep through the night... how I survived I have no clue lol) and I remember it really helped him if I held him like a frog. I pulled his toes up to his butt with his knees bent and halfway straddling me, and would lift him high on my shoulder so my shoulder put pressure on his tummy. Does that make sense? It helps them get the gas out. That and a figure 8 hip movement was the only thing that worked many nights. Maybe that would work? Colicky babies are so hard. Frustrating but you know it's not their fault..
I'll keep on praying for you three! And remember, you are amazing for what you are doing. The transition into motherhood isn't easy for ANYONE. Someone that says otherwise is lying! ;)
I have to say you write so well and have a great blog! My girls are 22 and 24 now so babyhood was a long time ago for me, but I still remember how HARD it was to not be able to get a good night's sleep - we need our sleep! I will echo what others have said, it really does get easier.
ReplyDeleteEveryone had such great comments and I especially like Danielle and Kierra's comments. Of course one has to meet a baby's needs, but I do think it is not too early to let her cry it out some - and yes to learn that mommy is the boss - within reason of course. She is not too young to learn that if she cries she will get what she wants instantly. If she is fed and changed and does not have gas (sorry I have no advice for that question), it will not hurt her to cry some to learn that she has to sleep at night. It's sooo hard to listen to one's baby cry (I remember that) but it does work..they will eventually sleep ... and you will sleep ...and everyone will be happier.
With my oldest daughter, every time she cried or made any sound practically, I picked her up instantly. How could I not? After my second daughter was born, I had her in a car seat in the bathroom one night while I was giving my 18 month old a bath. She started to cry and I remember wanting to pick her up and comfort her, but I could not because I was just rinsing off my 18 month old and getting her out of the tub. So I let the baby cry for just a few minutes until I had the 18 month old safely out of the tub and dressed in her PJ's. And then to my shock I realized that the baby had stopped crying. That was my first lesson that sometimes it's better to not always pick up a baby the instant they cry.
Neither one of my girls slept 8 hours until they were at least 7 months old, but by that time they only had one feeding in the middle of the night. I think it was around that time that I started giving them a bottle of water for their night feeding instead of nursing them. They didn't like the water so after a few nights they started sleeping through the night. There was no point in waking up for boring water from a bottle lol. But I'd never recommend that for a baby as young as yours!!
Hey girl, I saw your questions and thought I'd offer my thoughts:
ReplyDelete1. When did your child sleep through the night?
Layton was sleeping about 7 consecutive hours by 6 - 7 weeks. I do want to mention that we started having her sleep in her own room in her own bed at 3 days old, so I don't know if that is something that you're willing to try but I think that it really helps. If the baby is too close to you they can sense you and naturally they want to be with you, so with having her in her own room she was able to sleep better and so were we. We have a camera monitor so I was able to see her the whole night. We also found that she would only sleep on her tummy too. I know doctors tell you it's a no no but she would absolutely NOT sleep on her back and she hated being swaddled. It made me feel better about having her sleeping on her tummy when I asked some friends and family and they told me their babies were also tummy sleepers and they were just fine - just nothing in the crib but a fitted sheet.
2. Did you use any sleep aides (white noise machines etc?) B.W. says not to.
We have always had a white noise sound machine on...
3. If your child slept in the bed how did you transition to their own bed?
Never have let her sleep in bed with us - I could never sleep good with her next to me.
4. Am I expecting too much out of B since she is only a month old on Sunday?
Just remember that every baby is different and what works for someone else may not work for your little one, and go with your gut instinct - you know her best, but try different things and keep trying because one day they might like something that they didn't like just days before...
Good luck sweetie!